Wayne Rooney retires from international tournament failure

Wayne Rooney has retired from disappointing the nation at international tournaments for England, we can confirm.

After many years of thwarted efforts, the Everton striker has called time on running into massed minnow defences until he’s purple in the face.

After one memorable goalless draw with Algeria at the 2010 World Cup, a frustrated Rooney turned to the camera and unleashed a foul-mouthed tirade.

It’s one of the enduring images of the so-called ‘Golden Generation’, named for the fact that they played as if they were wearing solid gold boots.

Rooney’s last appearance for England at a major tournament came in a coupon-busting defeat to Iceland at last summer’s European Championships.

He will now focus on helping his boyhood club Everton to consolidate 7th place in the Premier League.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Rooney said the word ‘mate’ over and over again before putting himself in a choke hold and falling unconscious.

He said: “Mate mate mate mate mate mate.

“(Thud)”