Mauricio Pochettino has asked Tottenham Hostpur if there’s any chance they could see their way to, you know, tearing up that new contract he signed last week.

The Argentine put pen to paper on a five-year deal without a release clause, only to watch in horror as the Real Madrid job unexpectedly became available earlier today.

Having seen his name mentioned as a candidate to replace Zinedine Zidane at the Bernabéu, Pochettino sheepishly telephoned Daniel Levy to inquire about the possibility of a mutually agreed annulment.

He said: “Oh hey, Daniel, I was just calling to…what’s that? Yes, I just saw the news, I couldn’t believe it either.

“Aaaaaanyway, you know that new contract I signed last week? Well, I was wondering if you and I could get together sometime and maybe reassess some of the finer points.

“Like what? Erm, well, I’d say that chief among my quibbles are, you know, the fact that I signed it at all. Is there any chance I might be able to…

“Huh? No, it’s nothing to do with that. I assure you. This is completely unrela…hello?”

He added: “Hijo de punto.”