EXCLUSIVE: Next two World Cups cancelled by dream authority

Imaginary organisation uses "depriving errant child of Christmas" analogy.

Next two World Cups made a right bloody mess off by Fifa president Sepp Blatter
Blatter does his best Mohamed Al-Fayed impression (Image: Sputniktilt)

An imaginary authority over Fifa has confirmed exclusively to Football Burp that the next two World Cups shall be cancelled and replaced in the record books by damning footnotes explaining why.

The source, non-existent, revealed that Russia 2018 and Qatar 2022 shall be scrapped in favour of asterisks drawing the reader’s attention to the bracketed explanation of Fifa’s being “a bunch of corrupt f***ing bastards” as the reason for such drastic measures being taken.

Speaking exclusively inside our heads, a spokesperson for this sadly incorporeal organisation stated his belief that future generations would benefit from easy access to information as to why no World Cup was held in either 2018 or 2022.

He said: “It’s a bit like stripping an errant child of their Christmas privileges.

“If my son or daughter awarded the next two World Cups to rampantly ill-suited nations in exchange for vast bribes, then sat idly by while those nations invaded Ukraine, violently oppressed homosexuality and enslaved migrant workers in perilous conditions, I’d bloody well call off Christmas.

“Sepp Blatter needs to be held accountable for this mess and prevented from helping himself to unopposed reelections as if they were peanuts in a bowl on his diamond encrusted desktop.

“If that’s even practical.”

Stay tuned for more information on where and when the next two World Cups won’t take place.