Sepp Blatter racism accusation to be “humoured by millions”

Handshakes, paltry fines and selfies with black people all proposed.

Sepp Blatter racism free as you can see
Blatter in less racially tense times

It’s the Sepp Blatter racism accusation that’s smacking gobs around the globe, and it’s set to be humoured by the millions of Earthlings it was presumably targeted at.

The Fifa president, eternally unopposed electorally, hit out at pretty much everyone when he declared criticism of Qatar 2022 to be “badly racist, like a really inappropriate old Disney cartoon that got pulled but can probably still be found on YouTube or some such”.

However, millions of people worldwide have announced their intention to take Blatter’s comments at face value by engaging him in a conversation about it, all with as straight a face as they can muster.

They chorused: “Racist, are we? For pointing out how brazenly corrupt you and your organisation are?

“Okay, let’s say the billionaires’ playground didn’t bribe you to let them host the 2022 World Cup – let’s say that you’d factored in the extreme heat, footballing irrelevance, absence of infrastructure, likelihood of slave labour, all of that, and still arrived at Qatar as the most suitable candidate independently of any opening briefcases.

“Hmm? Let’s say all of that is true, that the Sunday Times’s extensive findings were wrong, that we are all just bad racists. What then?

“A handshake? That’s what you said, isn’t it? That racism could be sorted out with a simple handshake. Can we all, however many million of us, expect a handshake from you now?

“Or how about a paltry fine? Something more than the price of a Twix, but significantly less than you’d be charged for having Paddy Power on your pants.

“Yeah? Or maybe we could all just upload photos of ourselves hugging black people. Worked for you, right?


The Sepp Blatter Racism Accusation is now available for use as a band name.