Qatar are to be stripped of their League Two title after it transpired that they may not have won it fairly, it has been reported.
The absolute monarchy, oil rich, aroused suspicion last season when they were crowned champions of the English fourth tier, the French Ligue Deux, the Uruguayan Primera División and the Liverpool Echo Karaoke Challenge without appearing to have actually participated in any of them.
But someone obtained some grainy cameraphone footage of a Latka Gravas impersonator divulging his methods in guiding Qatar to so much success, his CV also boasting three Hungarian Charity Shields and a Venezuelan Milk Cup.
Fortunately, a stern-voiced investigative reporter smelt a rat – and once he was done smelling the rat, he ratted in the betting syndicate.
He said: “You know what they’re doing, don’t you?
“They’re buying football history, just hoovering it up in time for 2022 so they can strike ‘has no footballing heritage’ off the list of reasons why there shouldn’t be a World Cup in Qatar.
“The repressive labour laws, the sweltering heat and the effectively enslaving and killing of people shall all still stand.”
Speaking in front of a packed press conference, FIFA president Sepp Blatter denied that the sack he was holding was full of money, even though it had a money sign on it.
He said: “Let’s just shake hands and forget about it.
“You know, like with racism.”