Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camara, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.
All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camara, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United
Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week
— Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8) November 11, 2012
LOL! Thanks, Robbie! And good morning, everyone else! How do you like to get the day underway?
Dancing in the shower to start monday. The best thing ever . I see you girl , shaking that ass . Shaking that ass
— Emmanuel Eboue (@TheRealEboue) November 19, 2012
I love a good Monday morning shower dance myself, Eboue! But I’m more of an ELO/Jamiroquai kind of guy – well, just ELO ever since I slipped in the shower trying to do the dance from the “Virtual Insanity” video. I ruptured two Achilles ligament strings and three metatendons.
For my Tuesday morning showers I click my fingers and croon a medley of Rat Pack-era classics, while on Wednesdays I conduct imaginary press conferences where I’m the national team manager of my native Guinea. I refrain from showering on Thursdays, and then over the weekend I tend to take baths.
In case you were wondering, my favourite ELO song is that one that goes “missed a blue sky”. That really speaks to me.
Warren, I hear someone found a toy of you?
“@johnrob79: Was havin a clearout and found @warrenbarton2 don’t worry zico u survived the cull twitter.com/JOHNROB79/stat…”thank you great hair..
— Warren Barton (@warrenbarton2) November 14, 2012
LOL! It looks just like you, Warren! The one they made of me was a disaster. It looked like a fat Jay-Z.
Do you have any stories for me this week, West Ham co-owner David Gold?
And Kevin Keegan called out, hi David how are you doing, WH are going well aren’t they, yes I replied but didn’t mention our last result.
— David Gold (@DavidGoldWHU) November 15, 2012
That sounds like a neat story, David, but I didn’t catch the first part of it. Where did you bump into Kevin?
Hmm, that was funny. What have you found funny lately, former Soccer AM presenter Tim Lovejoy?
Alan Hansen hammering everyone on MOTD for not scoring was funny.
— Tim Lovejoy (@timlovejoy) November 11, 2012
LOL! I didn’t think it was funny.
No League Goals yet this Season…I will do all that I can to add to my 160+ Career Goals…
— Jason Roberts (@JasonRoberts30) November 12, 2012
See, it upset Jason! Did it get to you too, my former teammate Michael Owen?
Was looking for something to wear for tonight and everything I tried on looked scruffy. Suddenly dawned on me that it wasn’t my clothes but
— michael owen (@themichaelowen) November 11, 2012
LOL! Was it your…
my #Movember that was the problem! Oh well, only 3 weeks to go before the top lip is hairy no more.
— michael owen (@themichaelowen) November 11, 2012
…hmmm. “Your face?” – that’s what I should have said. We used to have some great banter back in the day, didn’t we Michael.
Owen has football and his horses, he doesn’t need #motd #painful
— Marco Gabbiadini (@marco_ten) November 11, 2012
LOLOL!! Take that, Michael! How was the Lionel Richie concert, Carlo?
Lionel Ritchie was fantastic tonight! #absolutelegend twitter.com/carlonash1973/…
— Carlo Nash (@carlonash1973) November 11, 2012
I was listening to a lot of Commodores around the time of my famous winner at Highbury…
Yes, that one. In fact, “Three Times a Lady” was the principal inspiration behind my run of three goals in three games against Southampton, Bradford City and West Ham in my early Liverpool days. I was like Pele in training around then, just ask Jamie Carragher.
Jamie Carragher perfectly summed up Titi’s up-and-down Reds career: “When he first came, the first three or four months, we all thought what have we got here – Pele? Every time you gave him the ball he was flicking it over someone’s head or scoring some great goals. Unfortunately it went a bit pear shaped for him towards the end.”
See? I attribute my subsequent dip in form to Don Hutchison introducing me to the pancakes at Gyms Kitchen. That really was the beginning of the end. By the time I linked up with Don at West Ham we were going together frequently – lunch, dinner, more and more pancakes.
Would West Ham have escaped the drop had Don and I lain off the pancakes? It’s impossible to say.
I surely must be on a percentage!! Just spent an hour bumming @gymskitchen up to the girls at the gym in repton!! Free pancake for hutch??????
— Don Hutchison (@donhutch4) November 12, 2012
LOL! Cut it out, Don!
What have you been up to, 5 Live presenter Mark Chapman?
Just nodded hello to a woman I thought I knew. I didn’t know her. It was Mrs Warboys from One Foot In The Grave.
— markchapman (@markchapman) November 18, 2012
LOL! I once high-fived Dorian from Birds of a Feather because I thought she was my friend’s mum. She seemed to think I was someone else, too. Someone called Alan. We both played along for at least an hour, even ended up going for dinner with each other. Funnily enough, Swansea City winger Wayne Routledge was the head chef there at the time. He made us the most divine…what was it, Wayne?
Lobster Spaghetti… #TweetWhatYouEat twitter.com/WayneRoutledge…
— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) November 18, 2012
The wife only produced a twist on a old classic Toad in the hole but with meat balls! #GreatWorkMrsHucks twitter.com/hucks6dh6/stat…
— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) November 14, 2012
Now were talking twitter.com/mattletiss7/st…
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) November 17, 2012
You are what you eat: twitter.com/helloitsollie/…
— Mark Robinson (@robboma3) November 18, 2012
Mmmm, that all looks delicious, guys! As for Mark’s ice cream man: LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!
Just arrived in Jordan. First time ever here. My first Jordan-experience when I was 11. Joe Jordan left Leeds United. I cried.#LUFC
— Jan Aage Fjortoft (@JanAageFjortoft) November 14, 2012
We all did, Jan.
“@nikkalastott: In the car wash and look what I found @andygoldstein05 !!! twitter.com/nikkalastott/s…” CHUBSTER!!
— Don Hutchison (@donhutch4) November 18, 2012
LOL! Cut it out, Don!
“@thisispayney: Ok. Please help settle an office debate: Was there any luck involved in Ibrahimovic’s fourth goal last night ?” Pure skill!!
— Don Hutchison (@donhutch4) November 15, 2012
LOL! I see you’re an oracle now! LOL!
Thanks Adebayor ! Looked like we were in for a game there. twitter.com/IanWright0/sta…
— Ian Wright (@IanWright0) November 17, 2012
What a great game to watch at the Emirates. Really enjoyed seeing Arteta play #bigwin twitter.com/Tim_Cahill/sta…
— Tim Cahill (@Tim_Cahill) November 17, 2012
I’ve always thought you and Matt Lucas would hit it off for some reason. Similar sense of humour I think.
I really want to watch my old Shooting Stars videos now. Yes, I still have a VHS player! I know, right?
Have a nice weekend, everyone!