Podolski's farewell screamer mistakenly attributed to West Ham legend.
Non-league side holding out for full-sized scotch egg like they sell in pubs.
Local police holding out for asking price as Hammers table latest derisory offer.
Eagle-eyed boffin notices tear in fabric of universe caused by last night's 4-0 win for City.
Former player denounces squad's removal of want-away star from WhatsApp group as "soft".
"I'd ask him about freedom of movement but he probably thinks it has to do with getting a new stadium," says Labour leader.