The race to become England’s new manager has heated up further still with the announcement of an Allardyce v Bruce debate to be screened live from Wembley Arena.
Sunderland boss Sam and Hull City boss Steve have both been interviewed by the FA about succeeding Roy Hodgson, who was recently appointed as Brexit Secretary in Theresa May’s Cabinet reshuffle.
Both candidates are reported to have wowed chiefs with their in-depth plans to lead England to sporting immortality, or at least the quarter-finals – so the process will now be decided by a live Allardyce v Bruce debate in front of a packed Wembley crowd.
It’s a format that went a long way towards shaping the result of the recent EU referendum vote, with Boris Johnson’s “Take Back Control” edging out Ruth Davidson’s “Stronger, Safer, Better Together” in a karaoke contest.
The man affectionately known within football circles as Big Sam is expected to read out extracts from his autobiography, even in response to audience questions that don’t pertain to it.
Meanwhile, former Man Utd captain Bruce is said to be readying a PowerPoint presentation detailing how he personally inspired Nedum Onuoha’s majestic solo effort in a 3-0 Sunderland win at Chelsea in 2010.
Plans for a swimsuit competition have been comprehensively scrapped.