Viewers of Sky Sports News were united in merriment on what proved to be an enjoyable Deadline Day for one and all, it has been affirmed.

The transfer window countdown, glorified, was greeted with lashings of Port and traditional dinners with all the trimmings nationwide.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Jim White launched into a foul-mouthed tirade.

He said: “I’m ****ing sick to ****ing death of transfer deadline ****face day.

“****-all happens in January any more, any ****-brained **** knows that. So why the ****ing **** do they make me go on there like a **** and say, ‘Anything can happen!’

“Mind you, I suppose ‘****-all’ is one possible outcome of the condition ‘anything’, so those ****-witted ****ing writers got something ****ing right.

“Apart from that it’s all ‘whoopty ****ing do, look at this **** in his car’ and ‘holy ****ing ****, some ****s just signed this **** no ****er’s ever heard of.

“Still, they ****ing pay me.”