Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week: Cole, Fjortoft, Simpson, Shreeves, Lineker, Babel…

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week!Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Afternoon all! I hope you’ve been enjoying the Euros as much as I have, even if my sneaky each-way bet on the Irish looks to have come to nought barring something truly dramatic. Alas, all this sitting around watching football and scoffing Dairylea Lunchables has taken me well over my fighting weight, a problem not shared by Watford youngster Bernard Mensah…

That moment when you can’t take off your tee because your muscles are too big…

— Bernard Mensah (@Mensah_10) June 11, 2012

I had similar the other day after we used the hot weather as an excuse to stick the telly on the windowsill and watch the match in the garden over a barbecue. I had to shave off my dungarees with a Mach 3. Nasty business, but you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth (and the Mach 3 is indeed a very smooth, close shave – thanks, Gillette!) Take West Ham United play-off hero Carlton Cole, who was just trying to unwind on holiday when he found himself having to shake off the attentions of some rather unusual fans…

After the spa I felt I needed to av a relaxing walk! Been chased by dogs b4 but this is taking the _ yfrog.com/nyg7pqlj

— Carlton Cole (@CarltonCole1) June 11, 2012

LOL! What happened next, Carlton?

When I’d lost the hippo, ran into a guy with hr8 dance moves, MJ is alive & Kicking I tell ya! yfrog.com/kekhoisj

— Carlton Cole (@CarltonCole1) June 11, 2012

Erm…where’s Newcastle United full-back Danny Simpson?

In Paris #decent

— Danny Simpson (@dannysimpson) June 12, 2012

Oh right, yeah. Well, at least jocular Sky Sports reporter Geoff Shreeves is still on duty…

Just arrived at The Hotel Gloria in Kharkiv. Unlike the other Gloria I’m not sure I will survive.

— Geoff Shreeves (@GeoffShreeves) June 12, 2012

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! Geoff, you’re absolutely mental! LOLOLOLOL! Oh my goodness, I think I might actually throw up. Deary me. I think I’m okay now.

I’ve just made @wossy the 100th person I follow, as he’s just told me he’s finally got into football. Better late than never.

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) June 11, 2012

LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Sorry Gary, I keep thinking about Geoff’s Gloria Gaynor joke. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! Anyway, former Middlesbrough and Swindon Town striker Jan Aage Fjortoft has been name-dropping…

Believe it or not, but I used to play with Wilhelmsson who just came on for Sweden.At Stabæk. He must have been 13 and I 39

— Jan Aage Fjortoft (@JanAageFjortoft) June 11, 2012

Strange team that must have been, Jan. I once moonlighted for my nephew’s under-9s side on the proviso that I wasn’t allowed to shoot or tackle. I was happy enough with my own performance, but the other lads let us down badly that day as we fell to a crushing 4-2 defeat. The dressing room was a very quiet place after that, I can tell you.

LOLOLOL!! “Unlike the other Gloria”…classic. Anyway, what’s up, young Bolton Wanderers striker Sanmi Odelusi?

My new young chick looks exactly like Rihanna..

— Sanmi Odelusi (@SanmiOdelusi) June 15, 2012

Not nice way to talk about your new girlfriend, Sanmi – unless you’re talking about a pet chick, in which case the fact that it looks like Rihanna is most noteworthy. I once had a turtle that looked like Henry Kissinger, except for the glasses obviously.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Yep, still Geoff’s joke. Sorry. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!

RT @jayvinno5: @RyanBabel are the rumours true about you being transfer listed? <– i dont know :s

— Ryan Babel (@RyanBabel) June 18, 2012


Thanks to you all for the nice messages on my 36 Birthday. I feel younger than ever

— Thomas Sorensen (@TSorensen1) June 12, 2012

Happy birthday Stoke City goalkeeper Thomas Sorensen, and enjoy your weekend everybody!