All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
Hello everyone! I trust you are all well?
Thommo says hi twitter.com/mattletiss7/st…
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) September 22, 2012
LOL! Hi, Thommo! And hello to you too, Matt Le Tissier! I’m a big fan of your wondergoals – they were even the inspiration for my famous winner at Highbury in 2000…
In celebration I tweeted with delight – remember, the goal predates Twitter, so I was actually tweeting like a bird – and then posed for hundreds of photographs with the travelling Liverpool faithful afterwards. That’s how I got the nickname Tweety Camera, contrary to popular opinion that it is because I spend so much time responding to my fellow professionals’ tweets.
Does anyone else have any nicknames that have stuck?
Oh well done you crisp munching idiot. Locked myself out! I’m done with the weather forecasting. Got to concentrate at my age.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) September 24, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! Crisp Munching Idiot! You know, Gary, your crisps make me so fat sometimes. Luckily I have a fast metabolism so I am able to shed the weight quickly and with minimal fuss, but my 11-year-old son is not so blessed – he weighs over twenty stone now, and smells permanently of vinegar.
No wonder he’s still single! LOL!
#YouAreSingleBecause you still think “pssssst” is an appropriate way to call a girl
— Curtis Davies (@thecurtisdavies) September 19, 2012
LOL! Now, that’s not true, Curtis! Honestly, you have about as much faith in me as Gary has in Phil…
“@gnev2:Reckon you’re gonna get abused from minute one to minute 90. Think the Leeds fans will have a go to!!” Will u bother to watch bro?
— phil neville18 (@fizzer18) September 25, 2012
“Think the Leeds fans will have a go to (sic)”! LOLOLOLOL!!!! Did you see that, Stockport County midfielder Jon Nolan?
R kid just bounced in in the tightest kecks ever with the naughtiest camel toe. Gutted for her.
— Jon Nolan (@jonnolan_92) September 20, 2012
That’s not what I asked, and that’s disgusting, but LOL!
What have you been up to, Giuseppe Rossi?
went to the barber twice today…not much to do, so thats what i do
— GIUSEPPE ROSSI (@GiuseppeRossi22) September 21, 2012
Neil Warnock says: Why’s that, lad? Got two heads?
LOLOLOLOL!!!!! Leave it out, Neil!
Neil Warnock says: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Well done on your momentous Capital One Cup win over high-flying Everton, by the way!
Neil Warnock says: Too kind, too kind.
Neil Warnock, everyone!
How about you, Darren Huckerby?
Up early for another long trip to West Brom tomorrow, wonder what treats will be on the bus? #NoLidlCrapHolty
— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) September 21, 2012
There’s no need to put Lidl down, Darren – I happen to be a big fan of their mollusk pate, not to mention those seven-litre cartons of guava juice they do.
Jermaine Pedant says… That’s guano, Tweety. You’ve been eating bat excrement.
LOL! That’ll teach me to check the label! I ought to have a good, hard look at myself for that one.
Whoever invented the mirror well done. Lol imagine not knowing what you looked like? #thingswetakeforgranted
— Freddy Adu (@FreddyAdu) September 21, 2012
I often think the same thing about toasters, and toast. I bloody love toast! LOL!
Who’s that, Watford youngster Bernard Mensah, and what are you doing with her?
Me Digs Lady Coming To Me For Fashion Advice & Calling Me Gok Wan!!
— Bernard Mensah (@Mensah_10) September 21, 2012
LOL! The lads used to come to me for fashion advice during my West Ham days. Well, some of them did – Scott Minto and Ian Pearce used to give me stick for it, but the likes of Paulo Di Canio and Frédéric Kanouté seemed genuinely intrigued by my ideas about colour co-ordinations. They used to stare for hours at that old pink and yellow blazer of mine, just mouthing the word ‘wow’ over and over again. I was so far ahead of the game that it’s yet to catch up with me.
Do u reckon neville southall has put on much weight??!! twitter.com/cotterill_davi…
— David cotterill (@cotterill_david) September 21, 2012
LOL! Happens to us all, Doncaster Rovers winger David Cotterill! Why, just yesterday I stepped onto my bathroom scales and it said…
Neil Warnock says: …”One at a time, please”?
Neil Warnock says: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
It actually said ‘error’, but I wasn’t too encouraged by that either.
why the hell does my frigging tv remote always disappear!!??
— jeffrey schlupp (@Jeffrey_Schlupp) September 22, 2012
I don’t think it actually disappears.
Yep i was spot on caret yes!! Deck yes!!! Boxing is not for me,think that’s a reall mans sport!! IDE be asking for a red card,and stretcher
— Don Hutchison (@donhutch4) September 19, 2012
LOL! Nice one, my old Hammers team mate Don Hutchison! You’re almost as much of a legend as Terry Brown.
Terry Brown gets sacked as AFC Wimbledon manager in the week and then goes in with the fans at Wycombe today! What a legend.
— Matt Holland (@mattholland8) September 22, 2012
See? Thank you, Matt Holland.
Goal line technology – a case of when not if!
— Matt Holland (@mattholland8) September 17, 2012
— Paul McGrath(@Paulmcgrath5) September 19, 2012
What are you drinking, Andrew Cole’s son Devantee?
— Coley-Cole (@DevanteeeCole) September 20, 2012
Isn’t that the Nas song with…oh, what’s her name…
eva longoria lool
— Coley-Cole (@DevanteeeCole) September 21, 2012
No, LOL! No, not Eva Longoria – Amy Winehouse, that’s it! I love that song.
This kid goes to High School with two of my daughters. I’ve seen him at practice. Incredible to see in person. youtube.com/watch?v=k2FzJV…
— Shaka Hislop (@ShakaHislop) September 21, 2012
— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) September 23, 2012
LOL! Oh Darren Huckerby, you’re such a contrarian.
See you next week, everyone!