Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone! I hope you’ve all been enjoying the Olympics as much as I have, not least Boris Johnson having a total Mayor yesterday. LOL! Did you see that, former Leeds United and England full-back Tony Dorigo?

Have any of you guys actually got tickets for the Olympics? What events?

— Tony Dorigo (@tonydorigo) July 25, 2012

Unfortunately I am all too often called away in my capacity as sports minister for my native Guinea, but I’ve been keeping close tabs on it via the dual mediums of television and internet. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll soon be called away to Holland to give a briefing to their rather lovely ladies’ hockey team.

Should probably start to pack

— Samuel Ameobi (@Sammy_Ameobi) July 25, 2012

LOL! Know something I don’t, Sammy? I should be so lucky! You know, I’d forgotten just what a fantastic spectacle the Olympics can be. I’m sure Tottenham Hotspur youngster Harry Kane will back me up on this.

Watching highlights of the Olympics ! Watching beach volleyball and they are wearing bottoms? #disappointed #notafan

— Harry Kane (@hkane28) July 31, 2012

Now now, Harry, I think there’s something to be said for leaving some things to the imagination. I’ve always been lauded or my imaginative streak, unlike Sunderland midfielder Craig Gardner.

whats happening today then anything to look forward 2

— Craig Gardner (@CraigGards8) July 31, 2012

Not sure, Craig – depends on where you are and what you fancy doing, I suppose.

whats going on people anything interesting going on in the world or what. weres all the banter

— Craig Gardner (@CraigGards8) July 31, 2012

Craig, I admire your powerful shots from distance but for crying out loud, man, think for yourself occasionally!

LOL! Just joshing with you, Craig! Anyway, a lot of you have been writing in asking me which heavy metal bands the Premier League’s centre-backs have been listening to lately, so I did a bit of digging and found this…

Game vs Shanghai today (Drogba+Anelka’s team). Another game to gain more fitness..the ipods on Grime playlist…will switch to Slipknot tho!

— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) July 25, 2012

I love a bit of Slipknot. I went to see them play years back – someone was passing around a jar containing the rotting carcass of a bird, which made its way onto the stage and into the hands of their front man, not to mention my own personal musical hero, Corey Taylor. Anyway, Corey unscrews the lid, takes a deep whiff of the contents and proceeds to vomit all over my head in the front row. I’ve never been so happy in my life, except of course when I scored this famous winner at Highbury.

Any general thoughts on music, Stockport Country defender Euan Holden?

Wonder how many people would buy Rick Ross’ music if he rapped about cheap merchandise, being poor and poor people…

— Euan Holden (@EuanHolden) July 31, 2012

Good question, Euan. Thirty-eight people? I’m not sure. What do you reckon, Cardiff City striker Robert Earnshaw?

Music on.

— Robert Earnshaw (@RobertEarnshaw) July 25, 2012

Oops, sorry, shan’t disturb you. LOL! Is that irony? I’ve never been too sure about the exact definition, but I keep trying nevertheless – like Boris, I hang in there!

Love topical jokes haha

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 29, 2012

LOLOLOL!!! Me too, Gary!

Me too. You know…

Ive seen alot of things

— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) July 31, 2012

…in my time but that was up there with the funniest.

LOL! There goes Newcastle United youngster Nile Ranger anticipating my wording again. You loveable rogue!

Funny how we got on so well but now we don’t speak at all

— Tosan Popo? (@tosan26) July 29, 2012

I know, what’s with that? We should get together for a chai soon. Oh, I’m feeling all loved-up now.

Before I be your buddy in bed let me be your best friend girl its more than lust I want your trust you be real wid me ill be real wid you

— Nathan Eccleston(@NathanEccleston) July 31, 2012

Okay, Liverpool youngster Nathan Eccleston, now you’re just taking it too far.

LOL!

Last 2 train before the game…. I hope finish by win with spurs LOL

— Benoit Assou-Ekotto (@AssouEkotto) July 30, 2012

LOLOL!!

Haha very true ..instagr.am/p/NvV_PdELa1/

— Dickson Etuhu (@DicksonEtuhu) July 31, 2012

Erm…LOL!

Finally, this week’s most forgiving footballer is Manchester City captain Vincent Kompany…

“@lawrensonof: @vincentkompany i hope he dies” – Probably one day but patience. I wish you to have a good life. :-)

— Vincent Kompany (@VincentKompany) July 31, 2012

How’s that for love thy neighbour, eh? Let that be our lesson for this week. Have a great weekend, everybody! And remember – LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!