Aston Villa fans could be forgiven for sensing a new lease of life in the wake of last night’s Paul Lambert sacking, but not half as much as star striker Christian Benteke.
According to sources at Villa’s Bodymoor Heath training ground, the Belgian rocked up at around 8am, got changed into his training gear and immediately booted a ball at one of the cobweb-cluttered training goals.
True to recent form, Benteke’s shot was a horribly scuffed effort that appeared to present more of a danger to low-flying aircraft than it did to any patterns of proteinaceous spider silk weaved elaborately into one of the top corners of the goal.
However, Football Burp understands that Benteke was informed of the Lambert sacking just moments after the ball left his foot, at which point the trajectory of his shot altered dramatically mid-flight.
Eyewitness accounts report that Benteke’s shot veered violently towards the top left-hand corner of the goal, brushed the post and cannoned in off the cross bar, sending those spiders and their beautifully crafted works of nature flying.
There are also as-yet-unconfirmed reports that Lambert slunk out of Villa Park last night with his shoulders slumped and his hands in his pockets like Charlie Brown after a hard day at school, kicked an empty soft drink can while muttering “rats” and that the can then flew into one of the goals on the pitch at Old Trafford some 85 miles away.