Milton Keynes celebrates first ever history

Mayor of town stumped as to how to commemorate 4-0 League Cup win over Manchester United.

Milton Keynes in party mode
MILTON KEYNES: Scenes of wild abandon (Image: Cnyborg)

Milton Keynes was this morning wondering how best to celebrate after achieving its first every history with last night’s 4-0 League Cup win over Manchester United.

Recently established local side MK Dons swept to a resounding victory over Louis van Gaal’s Red Devils, who were playing in the competition’s 2nd round for the first time since Britpop.


United legend Bobby Charlton watched ashen-faced from the stands, providing a poignant reminder that he was still strutting his stuff on the pitch at Old Trafford when the town of Milton Keynes came into existence.

As journalists nationwide scrabbled for such illustrative parallels as that rather fine example above, Subhan Shafiq, the Mayor of Milton Keynes, told Football Burp that ideas for suitable commemorations were still at the brainstorming stage.

He said: “Someone suggested presenting Karl Robinson with a symbolic ‘key to the city’, but we don’t have any locksmiths here to have one made up.

“No one locks their doors here because there isn’t any crime. Just one crime might have constituted some history, even a stolen bicycle or something.

“No such luck.”

David Moyes was unavailable for comment as he was busy striking celebratory poses for new memes bearing captions such as “David Moyes be all like…”.