Looming Arsenal cup upset keeps nation on tenterhooks

Gulps permeate the fresh air of spring.

Spring, traditionally home of the Arsenal cup upset
Spring… Sprung (Image: Daniel Schwen)

A nation waits in suspense as tomorrow’s potentially epoch-defining Arsenal cup upset looms ever closer, writes Ryan Pilchard-West.

The nation, whichever one you happen to be in right now, was this morning linking hands in the streets outside, humming and swaying the hours away until Arsène Wenger leads his disaster-prone side out at Wembley to take on Championship side Wigan Athletic in their FA Cup semi-final.

With such entertaining capitulations as the 2011 League Cup final defeat to Birmingham City still fresh in the mind, screens shall be erected on every street corner in order to broadcast scenes that could yet unite a nation in joyful mirth.

Er, except for Arsenal supporters.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Alun, an Arsenal cup upset fan from Leighton Buzzard, confessed to a “special feeling” in both his bones and his waters simultaneously.

He enthused: “You can just smell it in the air, can’t you?

“In comes the saintly scent of spring, out go the last vestiges of another potless Arsenal campaign – it’s all such a familiar refrain.

“Jordi Gómez’s stunning late winner will alert animals to the end of their hibernation, nature’s cycle spinning endlessly on like the flapping hands of a second-string Gunners goalkeeper.

“Don’t you just love this time of year?”

Arsenal fans were unavailable for comment as they were busy gulping profusely.