Smileys: love ’em or hate ’em, they’re indisputably a canny way of establishing context online – but how to express pathos? Well, now you can with the new David Moyes sad face smiley.

The haunted expression is to advance its ubiquity on our screens by being amongst the smilies available for deployment on all good software, applications and email systems, that sort of thing – and the Manchester United manager is said to be “troubled” by the news.

Conveying strong feelings of pity and compassion has long eluded the estimated 3.1 billion active smiley users worldwide, so the David Moyes sad face smiley carries with it the great weight of expectation.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, David Moyes explained that the David Moyes sad face smiley might struggle enormously for the first year or so, but give it time and it will be sensational.

He said: “I just think that’s what needs to happen in this situation.

“Apparently my mug was filmed during our defeat at Bayern Munich last night and plastered all over the news seemingly stapled to the phrase ‘haunted expression’.

“That’s not a haunted expression, it’s the look of realisation that I’ve got to put up with another week of all you bawbags taking the pish on two-bob websites like ye’selves.

“You, Soccer Belch, Goal Eructation, and all the others.”

He added: “Yiz can all get tae f**k.”

David Moyes was unavailable for comment as he’d slammed the phone down by that point.

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