Everton Boss In Double Raid For Inanimate United Duo

Everton have signed a miniature comb from Manchester United.
Comb... Firepower

Everton manager David Moyes has moved to ease the burden on his injury-hit squad with a double swoop for Manchester United midfielder Darron Gibson and a small novelty comb that Sir Alex Ferguson got in a Christmas cracker.

The Toffees’ woes continued to mount with a 2-0 defeat at Tottenham Hotspur that saw Sylvain Distin join an absentee list already including Phil Jagielka, Jack Rodwell, Leon Osman, Tony Hibbert, Seamus Coleman and Ross Barkley, leaving Moyes desperate for reinforcements in time for this weekend’s trip to Aston Villa.

Ferguson is believed to be demanding in the region of 20p for the inanimate, practically useless object, while the miniature comb will likely command a much higher fee due to the sentimental value it holds for the Scot, who successfully fended off interest from his own grandson in order to land the lion’s share of the cracker.

Moyes said: “Louis Saha and Tim Cahill have been feeling the strain a bit of late, so we’re hoping the novelty comb can come in and freshen things up a little bit up top.

“We need to remember that Victor Anichebe, Denis Stracqualursi, Apostolos Vellios and Conor McAleny are all young lads, so if the comb can come in and ease a bit of the pressure on them then we’ll be looking at a good addition for the price that Sir Alex is asking.

“Darron’s just coming along as part of the deal, really.”

Everton chairman Bill Kenwright said: “I can categorically deny speculation that we have already made the comb available for transfer.

“That will never happen as long as I am at this club. That comb is like a son to me.”

He added: “A tiny, prickly, plastic son, in the shape of a crocodile.”