Diego Costa leaves Chelsea to focus on ongoing feud with Popeye

Striker calls time on Stamford Bridge spell to return to brutish cartoon villainy.

Martin Škrtel vs Diego Costa
Diego Costa kicks out at Popeye (Image: @cfcunofficial/Chelsea Debs)

Diego Costa has called time on his Chelsea career in order to concentrate on his long-running rivalry with Popeye.

The Brazilian Spain brute says he enjoyed his spell in England but now wants to focus on besting a neurotic sailor to win the heart of a distressingly underweight maiden.

He told Football Burp: “It’s been fun winning those Premier League titles and getting José Mourinho fired that one time.

“But now it’s time to resume competing for the affections of a woman I could snap in twain as easily as I could open a jar of pickles.

“Popeye’s been a worthy foe over the years but he’s bound to have been hit hard by the revelation that he was using performance-enhancing spinach.

“No formal agreement has been reached to terminate my contract at Chelsea but I’ve texted Antonio Conte a succession of ‘poo face’ emojis and I trust that should be sufficient.

“Atlético Madrid made a bid but their offer was rejected out of hand when they said they’d gladly pay Chelsea Tuesday for a Costa today.”