Clive Tyldesley commentates in the key of B, says John Cale

Velvet Underground legend reveals unsolicited collaboration with ITV mainstay.

Not pictured: Clive Tyldesley
EXPERIMENTAL: Cale (Image: Jelle Goossens)

We know now that ITV stalwart Clive Tyldesley commentates in the key of B, thanks to Velvet Underground legend John Cale.

The Welshman, celebrated, has revealed that he could not get Tyldesley’s distinctive vocal pitch out of his head after listening to him commentate on some uneventful recent Europa League encounter or other.

It’s a pitch that wound up laying the foundations for Cale’s new album That Famous Night in Barcelona, a collection of collaborations that Tyldesley himself has dubbed “unsolicited”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, John Cale described the moment Tyldesley’s vocal lightning rod lodged itself firmly in his cerebral cortex.

He said: “I was gobsmacked – it was like the kind of shrieking cacophony we felt we had to express on White Light/White Heat, but filtered through Alan Partridge.

“The thing with Clive Tyldesley is that he’s actually quite monotone, albeit in rather a nasal way.

“He usually starts on a lower note then quickly kicks up into a higher one and maintains it until the end of whatever long-winded bulls**t he happens to be spluttering at the time.

“And there’s a slight upwards inflection sort of oscillating through it all, lightly brushing strokes at regular intervals, apparently bringing it through peaks and troughs yet somehow never deviating from its pitch.”

He continued: “So I thought, you know what, I should find out what key it is that Tyldesley whines in and jam with it, maybe lay down some electric viola, see what happens.

“Needless to say it came out as a sort of drone piece punctuated by barely stifled chortles of self-satisfaction.”

Andy Townsend was unsourced for commentary.