Brendan Rodgers fair play boast causes head-scratching epidemic

Doctors warn of potentially dire consequences for people's scalps and brains.

Brendan Rodgers fair play boast in action
“So then I says to the meeja, I says…” (Image: Kev Ruscoe)

It’s the Brendan Rodgers fair play boast that’s got everyone scratching their heads, and doctors are warning of potentially dire consequences for people’s scalps and brains.

The Liverpool boss, grumbly, stood on the roof of his own house yesterday and proclaimed through a megaphone how proud he was with the Corinthian spirit he’d managed to foster within Anfield.

When one confused onlooker asked “what about all the Spanish penalties?” in the comedically meek and plebeian tones of a Monty Python extra, Rodgers kissed his bicep and ignored the question.

He said: “We’re delighted to be within reach of the Premier League title and it’s such a privilege to have got this far this fairly.

“Not just that, but to have pioneered such techniques as the Slovakian handball, Uruguayan tumble/appeal and opposition fans’ coach bricking along the way – well, it’s the stuff dreams are made of.

“When Steven Gerrard’s done speaking to this weekend’s referee, I’m sure he’ll echo my thoughts.”

However, the Brendan Rodgers fair play boast is not all smiles and sunshine – medical experts have advised that excessive head-scratching can lead to such debilitating conditions as skullus concavius and digitus bluntus.

They chorused: “It’s probably best to just ignore Rodgers whenever he says anything brazen like that.

“And do remember to eat your 7 a day – if you’re crunching on raw carrots, you probably won’t hear him.

“Yeah, they’ll fund any kind of research these days. It’s ace.”