ITV co-commentator Andy Townsend was the most interesting thing about last night’s England match, it has been confirmed.
The other things, less interesting, amounted to a 0-0 World Cup qualifying draw in Ukraine so utterly devoid of talking points that point-talkers across the nation were forced to look elsewhere for their discussion jerky.
They unanimously settled upon much-derided pundit Andy Townsend, whose assertion that the fixture had been “all about the result, the outcome” was gently massaged into a moment of tweetworthy idiocy in order that something – ANYTHING – be gained from the night.
Other, of course, than that crucial World Cup qualifying point. You know, the result.
The outcome.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Andy Townsend declared himself “delighted” with the accolade and vowed to drive his tactics truck back into everyone’s lives.
He said: “This is a great moment for me and my family – your mothers, your fathers, your uncles and so on.
“I’m literally over the moon at being decided upon as the most interesting thing about last night’s match – I don’t want to be no bore about it, but it’s literally mind-blowing.
“See this? This is my right arm. This one here. And these, these things on my feet? These are my shoes.
“I trust this has been of interest to you.”
Andy Townsend, thank you.