Global concerns like the ongoing Syria conflict, the rise of Donald Trump and Brexit negotiations will matter a whole lot less tomorrow as the Premier League returns.
A ceasefire has been called in Aleppo in anticipation of the first Soccer Saturday in two weeks, while Britain are understood to have staked their access to the single market on the outcome of Chelsea v Leicester.
Meanwhile, Trump and his rival presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will contest a rap battle during half-time of Monday night’s fixture between Liverpool and Man Utd.
Mounting hostilities have accompanied the latest international break, with Boris Johnson declaring war on Russia and Amber Rudd designating a special task force to scoop up immigrants in a big net and throw them in the sea.
But Football Burp understands this is all set to play second fiddle to Bournemouth v Hull and other such fixtures.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Russian president Vladimir Putin declared himself “suddenly not so fussed” about establishing control of Middle East gas pipelines.
He said: “I’m suddenly not so fussed about it.
“I’m just looking forward to playing the Soccer Saturday drinking game. I never thought I’d miss it so much.
“You have to take a drink any time Chris Kamara opens his mouth. Sometimes there just isn’t enough vodka.”