The 2014-15 Premier League opening day was hardly a goal-fest, but it more than made up for it with weird and wonderful incidents such as the following…

Bird poops in Ashley Young’s mouth

They say it’s good luck to be the unwitting landing pad for avian excrement, but it didn’t seem to do much good for Young or indeed his side.

Louis van Gaal’s first competitive match in charge of Manchester United ended in a 1-2 defeat to Swansea City at Old Trafford, so we can only assume that copping a mouthful of guano ain’t so fortunate after all.

Supporter takes free kick at West Ham v Spurs

Without wishing to glamourise the ignoble art of the solo pitch invasion, there’s much to enjoy about this one – the steward tearing after him, the fact that he got his shot on target, Christian Eriksen holding his head in his hands as if he’d spurned the opportunity himself…

Most amusing of all, though, is how every player on the edge of the box instinctively turns his head to see whether or not the fan had scored – not to mention the goalkeeper feeling the need to save it.

Old habits die hard.

Jon Moss and Santi Cazorla get faces full of vanishing spray

Perhaps Moss should hang up his whistle and go back to drumming for Culture Club*, because he clearly hasn’t got the hang of operating this newfangled, ten-yards-delineating innovation.

(*Yes, we know it’s not the same guy.)

Mike Dean sprays Nathan Dyer’s boot

Yet another referee who’s yet to master the vanishing spray. The ‘tarnished boot and subsequent tantrum’ is already becoming a bit of a standard – see also Bruno Martins Indi at the World Cup and Mikel Arteta during last week’s Community Shield.

Leicester’s Jeff Schlupp sends ball into orbit

Pretty self-explanatory, really. The Foxes full-back wouldn’t have scored even with twenty sets of goalposts piled one on top of the other.

Might we suggest a career in rugby, Jeffrey?

Premier League opening day – you’ve got to love it.