Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so. All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that got me 23 goals in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
I see former Sheffield Wednesday and Crystal Palace striker Mark Bright has been doing his bit to raise awareness of what fabulous taste in music us football types are blessed with…
…while he’s also been dabbling with observational comedy…
We could have the next Michael McIntyre on our hands here, people! But seriously, I have a considerable newfound respect for Mr Bright – he don’t take no sh*t from nobody, or so it would seem…
You egg!! Another commendably no-nonsense type to have caught my eye this week is Watford’s England U21 hotshot Marvin Sordell, who I think spoke on behalf of all right-minded people when he virtually piped up with this…
Amen, Marvin. You could certainly teach some of our more high-profile players a thing or two. Not least Manchester United winger Nani…
Chortle! Nothing like a spot of light-hearted schadenfreude, eh? Former Chelsea and Leeds United midfielder Jody Morris would appear to agree…
Now now Jody, it’s easy to criticise. And yet, as Homer Simpson once observed, “Fun, too!” Did Arsenal youngster Emmanuel Frimpong, currently on loan at Wolverhampton Wanderers, really come up with this one himself? I have my doubts…
Some people say I look like Jay-Z. I’m not so sure myself, but I certainly wouldn’t mind being married to Beyonce! LOL, only joking Mrs Camera! She’ll have my guts for garters over that. Meanwhile, Everton midfielder Diniyar Bilyaletdinov quipped…
LOL!!! Great stuff, Diniyar. I wonder what the Russian hotshot would have to say about controversial Newcastle United youngster Nile Ranger…
Hardly covered himself in glory there, has he? Unlike myself when I scored the winner in a 1-0 win at Highbury for Gerard Houllier’s Liverpool in 2000. Football was different back then, so it’s good to see that the beautiful game has retained a semblance of character through the likes of former Liverpool winger Ryan Babel…
…and Wolverhampton Wanderers forward Steven Fletcher…
A moustache tattooed on your finger? Pull the other one, Steven! But perhaps my favourite football personality of the week is Everton youngster Jon Nolan, who definitely has a future as a stand-up comedian if things don’t work out for him at Goodison Park…
Not talking about Nile Ranger, are you Jon? Chortle! Now, young Nolan might be a bit coarse for some people’s tastes…
…but he’s just a regular guy, if you ask me…
Priceless stuff, Jon! Now, I like a laugh as much as the next erstwhile Guinean forward, but I’d like to end on a more serious note by giving the final word to altruistic Blackburn Rovers striker Jason Roberts MBE…
In an increasingly fraught football climate, we could all learn something from Jason’s simple but beautiful outlook. Whether you’re on the pitch or off it, smile, enjoy your football, and remember – it IS just a game.
Take care of yourselves, and each other. ‘Til next time, folks!
Tune in every Friday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!