Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings.
Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…
Fara Williams
The England and Everton midfielder took a trip to Stratford…
On route to the olympic village very excited :) :)
— fara williams (@fara_williams47) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… Sorry Fara, it’s a French rather than English saying so it is in fact ‘en route’. Don’t worry, we all make the odd faux pas here and there. C’est la vie.
Bruce Dyer
The former Watford, Crystal Palace and Barnsley striker was doubly at fault…
@matthewmurray87 on route home now bro
— Bruce Dyer (@Bruce10Dyer) July 14, 2012
I’ve been in so many schools over these last few months #WhoWouldOfThought #ExcitingTimes
— Bruce Dyer (@Bruce10Dyer) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… If you’ve been in so many schools then you should know by now that it’s ‘would have’, not ‘would of’. Go to some more, good sir!
@matthewmurray87 on route home now bro
— Bruce Dyer (@Bruce10Dyer) July 14, 2012
Nico Yennaris
The young Arsenal defender was in contemplative mood…
If only u could of figured it out earlier…
— Nico Yennaris (@Nico_Yennaris) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… And take this one with you.
Alejandro Bedoya
The Rangers/Club 12 midfielder/free agent was trying to lighten the mood…
Ok I know Monday’s can be slow so let’s have some fun w/ weekend #PickUpLines!.. “Glad I brought my inhaler cause you got ass ma!”
— Alejandro Bedoya (@AleBedoya17) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… Unless you’re referring to something owned by somebody named Monday, there should be no apostrophe on ‘Mondays’ as it is a plural, not the possessive Monday’s. In addition, that should be “you’ve got ass ma”; I would usually conclude that you meant “you’ve got an ass” but I am tentatively willing to accept that the word ‘ass’ has evolved to include the state or quality of an ass being aesthetically pleasing.
David Stockdale
The Fulham goalkeeper was gauging reaction to a film he fancied watching…
Film time! Anyone seen this sons of anorchy series? Thought I’d give it a go
— David Stockdale (@stockogk1313) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… No, but I’ve seen Sons of Anarchy.
Getting contrasting views on sons of anorchy!!
— David Stockdale (@stockogk1313) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… I don’t give two hoots what other people are saying, it’s spelt anarchy!
Jason Roberts
The Reading striker had his day brightened by a cheerful barista…
The Young Lady serving me my Coffee was so happy….she has made me happy….
— Jason Roberts (@JasonRoberts30) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… You know what makes me happy? Correct grammar. It simply isn’t cricket to capitalise nouns that aren’t pronouns or part of a headline. If she actually does go by the title The Young Lady and was serving you with a rather prosaically named brand product then I apologise to you both.
Danny Simpson
The Newcastle United full-back was on hand to clear up some uncertainty regarding a team mate…
Ste Taylor doesn’t have a twitter account, there all fake
— Danny Simpson (@dannysimpson) July 16, 2012
Jermaine Pedant says… Play along at home! Anyone?
Right, now I must make haste, for the pursuit of knowledge is an insatiable mistress. Class dismissed!