Football Burp is the home of Mystic Megson - football gossip, jokes, lists, stories and news, with added fantasy football tips

VIDEO: Arsenal fan with knife previews Chelsea clash

An Arsenal fan with knife rants at Chelsea fans

Angry fan has big knife in video blog and doesn't like Chelsea.

VIDEO: Rio Ave take dizzy penalties

Rio Ave take dizzy penalties in a drunk-style contest

Rio Ave make themselves dizzy and take penalties.

Tweets of the Week: Sánchez, de Gea, Čech, Carroll & more!
Football's best Tweets of the Week

Jokes, trees, fashion, Sky Sports, Suárez and more!

The best David Luiz jokes after TWO Luis Suárez nutmegs in UCL quarter-final
A deep intake of breath before he reads the David Luiz jokes after two Luis Suárez nutmegs in the PSG 1-3 Barcelona Champions League quarter-final first leg

Not a happy night for Luiz as he's nutmegged twice at home.

GIF: Amazing goalkeeping cat
The amazing goalkeeping cat in action, saving shots in the family home

Domestic animal pulls off fantastic saves.

Burped News

Suárez: “I had no choice but to nutmeg David Luiz 37 times”

Nutmeg, as performed by Luis Suárez

Microphones manage to pick up sound of Brazilian's anguished grumbles, voiced by Kelsey Grammer.

Man City eye up bid for Trident after derby mauling

Nuclear deterrent's £3-billion-a-year maintenance fees would eclipse the £38m City paid Atlético Madrid for Sergio Agüero in 2011.

Trident involves nuclear warheads like this
VINE: Iain Dowie can’t count the Chesterfield goals on Sky Sports during 6-0 win
Iain Dowie can't count the Chesterfield goals on Sky Sports News during their 6-0 win against Colchester United

Former player struggles as the score gets to 3-0 in the big win against Colchester United.

The best Dion Dublin Homes Under the Hammer jokes after first episode
The Dion Dublin Homes Under the Hammer were not as critical of the former footballer's first episode as you might have expected

Twitter celebrates the former footballer's début appearance as a presenter on the BBC1 daytime show.

The best jokes as Joe Allen scores his first goal at Anfield in 2-0 win against Newcastle
Joe Allen scores his first goal for Liverpool at Anfield and Twitter goes wild

Rodgers signing scores at Anfield for the first time since joining Liverpool in 2012.

The best Manchester City jokes after 4-2 defeat to United at Old Trafford
Fred the Red celebrates the latest Manchester City jokes after their 4-2 defeat to United at Old Trafford

Manuel Pellegrini's men are beaten 4-2 at Old Trafford by an in-form United side.

VIDEO: Auxerre fans invade pitch too soon, carry big flags off again
Auxerre fans invaded the pitch too soon at the end of their French Cup semi-final win against Guingamp and brought their big flags (seen here)

Turn back after realising their mistake and have to carry the flags all the way back again.

VIDEO: Bradford City supporters sing about fan eating a pie
Bradford City supporters sing about a fan eating a pie

A variety of pie-related hits were sung during their 3-0 win at Doncaster Rovers.

The best Man City jokes after 2-1 Palace defeat sees title hopes dwindle
Manuel Pellegrini will look ever more tired once he's done reading the Man City jokes following their 2-1 defeat to Crystal Palace

Rivals struggle to contain their glee as City's hopes of retaining the Premier League title suffer a huge blow.

The best Phil Jones jokes after England midfield role against Italy
Phil Jones jokes were a feature of England's 1-1 friendly draw with Italy after he played in midfield

Twitter reacts to the Phil Jones experiment.

VINE: Colombia’s Pablo Armero loves the women on the big screen
These are the women on the big screen that Colombia's Pablo Armero reacted to

Forget Radamel Falcao, see Pablo Armero's favourite part of Colombia's 3-1 friendly win over Kuwait.

Talking Spurs with We Are the Ocean
We Are the Ocean

Bassist Jack Spence discusses his beloved Tottenham Hotspur.

Talking Liverpool with All We Are
All We Are

Drummer Rich O'Flynn discusses his beloved Reds.

Talking QPR with Bear’s Den
Bear's Den are here to talk about QPR

Guitarist Andrew Davie discusses his beloved R's.

Talking Bayern Munich and Arsenal with Pinkshinyultrablast
Pinkshinyultrablast

Igor and Rustam from the band discuss their respective footballing allegiances.

Fifteen fantastic Vanessa Huppenkothen photos
This one almost made it into the top 15 Vanessa Huppenkothen photos, so many more could have as Cristiano Ronaldo alleged new girlfriend is stunning

Meet the Mexican as rumours circulate that she could be Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend.

Top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos
Lionel Messi with his wife, nice picture but not one of the chosen top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos

Lionel Messi's wife wowed at the FIFA Ballon d'Or 2014 ceremony in Zurich.

PHOTOS: Amy Childs and Rachel Riley at Soccer SixFest
Amy Childs and Rachel Riley at Soccer SixFest were admired in thier football kits, well after this photo of the Countdown cutie was taken

Check out Amy Childs of TOWIE fame and Countdown's Rachel Riley in their football kits at "the biggest celebrity football tournament in the world".

VIDEO: Eva Carneiro Ice Bucket Challenge
The Eva Carneiro Ice Bucket Challenge

The much admired Chelsea physio takes on the latest charitable trend.

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