Football Burp is the home of Mystic Megson - football gossip, jokes, lists, stories and news, with added fantasy football tips

The best FA jokes after sexist tweet to England Women

This 1950s housewife might have enjoyed the FA's sexist tweet

"Our Lionesses go back to being mothers, partners and daughters, but they've taken on another title - heroes". D'oh.

The best Man Utd sign Darmian jokes as £12.7m fee is agreed

Matteo Darmian, star of the Man Utd sign Darmian jokes

Move for Torino defender met with surprise and sarcasm.

Liverpool to sign Benteke for £32.5m – but what else could they have?
Liverpool to sign Benteke for £32.5m when they could have 26 pubs instead

Including 26 pubs, a luxury car dealer and a 467,323 sq ft warehouse.

The best Women’s World Cup final jokes as US beat Japan 5-2
Carli Lloyd and Hope Solo were victorious in the Women's World Cup final

Carli Lloyd achieves immortality with astonishing hat-trick goal.

The best Nigel Pearson jokes as Leicester sack boss
Nigel Pearson jokes did roll when Leicester sacked their manager in a shock twist

Social media platform cracks wise as Foxes give eminent ostrich critic his marching orders.

News

England Women record pluckiest defeat to date

Lionesses bow out in most English way imaginable thanks to last-minute wonder-own-goal.

England Women own-goal-scorer Laura Bassett playing for Birmingham City Ladies
The best Paulinho jokes as Spurs net £9.8m from sale
Paulinho, star of the Paulinho jokes

One Tottenham supporter even went as far as reporting the Brazil midfielder for fraud.

Man Utd bid £28.6m for Sergio Ramos – but what else could they have?
Sergio Ramos

What else can twenty-eight million of Her Majesty's pounds get you these days?

The best Liverpool sign Firmino jokes as £29m move is mooted
Liverpool sign Firmino jokes are about this guy

Twitter cracks wise in response to shock news about a shock transfer.

The best Partick Thistle new mascot jokes
Here's the new Partick Thistle mascot, Kingsley

Bizarre creature designed by Turner Prize nominated artist David Shrigley.

10 things that would cost the same as Kane, Sterling & Wilshere
Raheem Sterling would cost £40m, as would these 10 other things

Including Londis, Budgens and over a hundred Blackpool hotels.

The best Diego Maradona for Fifa president jokes
Diego Maradona for Fifa president? It could happen...

Larger-than-life legend announces candidacy 29 years to the day since his infamous Hand of God goal against England.

Top 5 worst throw-ins
This was not one of the worst throw-ins ever

In honour of Phil Jones's horror chuck against Slovenia.

The best Jack Grealish lying down jokes as holiday snap surfaces
CONKED OUT? Grealish (Image: Twitter/Briony King)

Social media wags let fly as picture emerges of Villa starlet apparently passed out in Tenerife.

The best Phil Jones jokes after terrible throw-in leads to goal
A shocking throw-in sparked a spate of Phil Jones jokes

Also manages to injure himself standing on Jack Wilshere.

Sol Campbell politics tweets and the best replies
Sol Campbell, author of the Sol Campbell politics tweets

A revealing insight into, er, the revealing insight the prospective Mayor of London candidate has to offer.

The best Jamie Vardy England jokes after debut against Irish
As he made his debut for England during a boring 0-0 draw against Ireland there was no shortage of Jamie Vardy England jokes

Differing opinions of his first appearance for the national side.

The best bored jokes from Ireland vs England 0-0 snoozefest
The jokes from Ireland vs England originated from the dull 0-0 draw at the Aviva Stadium

Bored fans complain about the dull international friendly that ended goalless.

The best Chuck Blazer jokes as his testimony is unsealed
The Chuck Blazer jokes were inevitable having seen this picture, especially after admitting accepting bribes

Admitted in 2013 that he and others on FIFA's executive committee agreed to accept bribes.

The best Sepp Blatter resigns puns after exit speech
There were enough Sepp Blatter resigns puns for an article after he announced his intention to leave FIFA

Unexpected press conference leads to reasonable puns.

The best Blatter resigns jokes as he announces intention to go
The Sepp Blatter resigns jokes were mean but many following his celebrated FIFA press conference announcement that he was stepping down

Finally proceeding with plans for his exit.

More Sepp Blatter jokes after FIFA re-election
The Sepp Blatter jokes won't stop after his re-election as president of FIFA

After his re-election as FIFA president for a fifth term, the jokes keep on coming.

Talking Liverpool with Catfish & The Bottlemen
Benji from Catfish & the Bottlemen discusses his beloved LIverpool

Bassist Benji Blakeway discusses his beloved Reds.

Talking Spurs and Fulham with Palace
Palace

Leo and Rupert from the band discuss their respective loves of Spurs and Fulham.

Talking Spurs with We Are the Ocean
We Are the Ocean

Bassist Jack Spence discusses his beloved Tottenham Hotspur.

Talking Liverpool with All We Are
All We Are

Drummer Rich O'Flynn discusses his beloved Reds.

12 photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend
One of many photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend

Ronaldo reportedly invited the Italian model and actress to watch him play.

VINE: Colombia’s Pablo Armero loves the women on the big screen
These are the women on the big screen that Colombia's Pablo Armero reacted to

Forget Radamel Falcao, see Pablo Armero's favourite part of Colombia's 3-1 friendly win over Kuwait.

Fifteen fantastic Vanessa Huppenkothen photos
This one almost made it into the top 15 Vanessa Huppenkothen photos, so many more could have as Cristiano Ronaldo alleged new girlfriend is stunning

Meet the Mexican as rumours circulate that she could be Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend.

Top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos
Lionel Messi with his wife, nice picture but not one of the chosen top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos

Lionel Messi's wife wowed at the FIFA Ballon d'Or 2014 ceremony in Zurich.

Become a Burpian

Follow Football Burp on Twitter Follow
Like Football Burp on Facebook Like
Subscribe to the Football Burp RSS Feed Subscribe