Football Burp is the home of Mystic Megson - football gossip, jokes, lists, stories and news, with added fantasy football tips

The best Phil Jones jokes after England midfield role against Italy

Phil Jones jokes were a feature of England's 1-1 friendly draw with Italy after he played in midfield

Twitter reacts to the Phil Jones experiment.

VINE: Colombia’s Pablo Armero loves the women on the big screen

These are the women on the big screen that Colombia's Pablo Armero reacted to

Forget Radamel Falcao, see Pablo Armero's favourite part of Colombia's 3-1 friendly win over Kuwait.

The best Harry Kane England jokes and hype as international career starts with a goal
After his debut international goal in a Euro 2016 qualifier, he will be pleased with the Harry Kane England jokes on Twitter

All the jokes and all the the hype after his international debut goal against Lithuania in a Euro 2016 qualifier.

VIDEOS: Football dancing in Libero magazine adverts
Football dancing by a goalkeeper in the techno version of the Libero magazine videos

Spanish football culture magazine "proves" if you can play football, you can dance in these three short clips.

VIDEO: German hooligan throws bin, hits friend, misses police
The hooligan throws bin video sees a German thug hit his friend with a container like this, missing his intended target - the police

A German troublemaker hits a fellow thug instead of his intended target - the riot police.

WATCH: This is Eibar – story of the smallest club in La Liga
A shot from This is Eibar - the story of the smallest club in La Liga

A short but heart-warming documentary film about the smallest club to ever play in La Liga.

Burped News

Harry Kane’s open mouth is “key to his success”, say scientists

Harry Kane's open mouth

Surplus flow of oxygen into body through gob responsible for Spurs striker's sensational goal-scoring exploits.

“I f***ing hate ketchup,” roars defiant Capello

Former England manager also slams brown sauce in impassioned rant.

Fabio Capello
England World Cup bid set to waste everyone’s time again

Decision likely to hinge on whether the evil and charismatic Sepp Blatter is still Fifa president when bidding process begins.

Greg Dyke, prospective architect of the 2026 England World Cup bid
The best Steven Gerrard red card jokes after stamp on United’s Herrera
This is probably how the Liverpool captain would look if he glanced across these Steven Gerrard red card jokes

All the jokes as the Liverpool captain is sent off just 38 seconds after coming on as a half-time substitute against Manchester United.

The best Antolín Alcaraz jokes as Everton crash out of Europa League
The Everton defender who suffered in their 5-2 Europa League last-16 second leg clash with Dynamo Kiev looks like he's checking out the Antolín Alcaraz jokes on Twitter

Received abuse throughout most of the 5-2 defeat to Dynamo Kiev.

The best Milner Messi nutmeg jokes after Barca star’s skills
After the Champions League incident during Barcelona 1-0 Man City, Twitter rocked with Milner Messi nutmeg jokes

Man City midfielder was humbled in the Champions League last-16 second leg defeat to Barca.

The best Arsenal jokes after away goals UCL exit to Monaco
Arsène Wenger will despair at his side's latest UCL last-16 exit to Monaco on away goals as well as at the subsequent Arsenal jokes

Arsène Wenger's side can't find a 3rd goal and go out on away goals despite a 2-0 win in the second leg.

The best Dick Advocaat jokes as Sunderland appointment confirmed
The rumoured new Sunderland manager looking puzzled by the Dick Advocaat jokes following his appointment

Veteran manager confirms to the media that he'll take over at Sunderland while people make fun of his name.

VIDEO & PICS: Reading pitch invader at Bradford FA Cup quarter-final clash
The Reading pitch invader at their 3-0 FA Cup quarter-final win against Bradford City

Does somersaults in front of the away fans with a big grin on his face during quarter-final clash.

The best Gus Poyet sacked jokes as Sunderland take action
The Gus Poyet sacked jokes are based on the experience of this guy

Wisecracks as Black Cats wield axe.

The best Chelsea jokes after 2-2 PSG draw & UCL knockout
José Mourinho may be disappointed after the 2-2 draw with PSG & their UCL knockout, but you won't be when you see the Chelsea jokes

Mourinho's side are knocked out of the Champions League on away goals by 10-man PSG.

The best Chelsea Metro jokes after Champions League exit
Chelsea Metro jokes might be heard in London after their Champions League last-16 second leg exit at the hands of PSG

The Chelsea Metro has derailed following the 2-2 draw with PSG.

Talking Liverpool with All We Are
All We Are

Drummer Rich O'Flynn discusses his beloved Reds.

Talking QPR with Bear’s Den
Bear's Den are here to talk about QPR

Guitarist Andrew Davie discusses his beloved R's.

Talking Bayern Munich and Arsenal with Pinkshinyultrablast

Igor and Rustam from the band discuss their respective footballing allegiances.

Talking Celtic with GUN
Talking Celtic with Gun

Guitarist Jools Gizzi discusses his beloved Hoops.

Fifteen fantastic Vanessa Huppenkothen photos
This one almost made it into the top 15 Vanessa Huppenkothen photos, so many more could have as Cristiano Ronaldo alleged new girlfriend is stunning

Meet the Mexican as rumours circulate that she could be Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend.

Top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos
Lionel Messi with his wife, nice picture but not one of the chosen top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos

Lionel Messi's wife wowed at the FIFA Ballon d'Or 2014 ceremony in Zurich.

PHOTOS: Amy Childs and Rachel Riley at Soccer SixFest
Amy Childs and Rachel Riley at Soccer SixFest were admired in thier football kits, well after this photo of the Countdown cutie was taken

Check out Amy Childs of TOWIE fame and Countdown's Rachel Riley in their football kits at "the biggest celebrity football tournament in the world".

VIDEO: Eva Carneiro Ice Bucket Challenge
The Eva Carneiro Ice Bucket Challenge

The much admired Chelsea physio takes on the latest charitable trend.

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