Football Burp is the home of Mystic Megson - football gossip, jokes, lists, stories and news, with added fantasy football tips

The best jokes as West Ham suffer European scare against Birkirkara

Maltese side Birkirkara gave West Ham a scare in the Europa League before the English side won on penalties... and there were many jokes

After a penalty shoot-out, West Ham finally beat Maltese minnows Birkirkara.

The best #FreeJordanRhodes memes & jokes as Blackburn striker asks to talk to Boro

Boro fans want to #FreeJordanRhodes from Blackburn Rovers

Boro fans mount a campaign to #FreeJordanRhodes as the Blackburn striker asks to talk to the club.

The best Fabian Delph jokes after Manchester City move
Predictably, the were Fabian Delph jokes as the Aston Villa captain signed for Man City

Signs five-year deal with Man City less than a week after saying he was staying at Villa Park.

The best Leicester appoint Ranieri jokes as Tinkerman returns
New Leicester City manager Claudio Ranieri

Foxes replace Pearson with man whose Greece side were no match for Faroe Islands.

10 things that cost the same as Raheem Sterling
Raheem Sterling

Including a high street restaurant chain and ALL THE ICE CREAM YOU CAN EAT!


West Ham fair play a thing of the past, vows Bilić

Slaven Bilić, destroyer of West Ham fair play

Croatian probably didn't put swastika on pitch.

Aston forces through shock Villa exit

Tim Sherwood offers own surname as temporary replacement.

The best Raheem Sterling jokes as Man City agree £49m deal
Raheem Sterling jokes are in the main concerning this chap

Suárez beneficiary clinches megabucks move.

The best Man Utd sign Darmian jokes as £12.7m fee is agreed
Matteo Darmian, star of the Man Utd sign Darmian jokes

Move for Torino defender met with surprise and sarcasm.

Liverpool to sign Benteke for £32.5m – but what else could they have?
Liverpool to sign Benteke for £32.5m when they could have 26 pubs instead

Including 26 pubs, a luxury car dealer and a 467,323 sq ft warehouse.

The best FA jokes after sexist tweet to England Women
This 1950s housewife might have enjoyed the FA's sexist tweet

"Our Lionesses go back to being mothers, partners and daughters, but they've taken on another title - heroes". D'oh.

The best Women’s World Cup final jokes as US beat Japan 5-2
Carli Lloyd and Hope Solo were victorious in the Women's World Cup final

Carli Lloyd achieves immortality with astonishing hat-trick goal.

The best Nigel Pearson jokes as Leicester sack boss
Nigel Pearson jokes did roll when Leicester sacked their manager in a shock twist

Social media platform cracks wise as Foxes give eminent ostrich critic his marching orders.

The best Paulinho jokes as Spurs net £9.8m from sale
Paulinho, star of the Paulinho jokes

One Tottenham supporter even went as far as reporting the Brazil midfielder for fraud.

Man Utd bid £28.6m for Sergio Ramos – but what else could they have?
Sergio Ramos

What else can twenty-eight million of Her Majesty's pounds get you these days?

The best Liverpool sign Firmino jokes as £29m move is mooted
Liverpool sign Firmino jokes are about this guy

Twitter cracks wise in response to shock news about a shock transfer.

The best Partick Thistle new mascot jokes
Here's the new Partick Thistle mascot, Kingsley

Bizarre creature designed by Turner Prize nominated artist David Shrigley.

10 things that would cost the same as Kane, Sterling & Wilshere
Raheem Sterling would cost £40m, as would these 10 other things

Including Londis, Budgens and over a hundred Blackpool hotels.

The best Diego Maradona for Fifa president jokes
Diego Maradona for Fifa president? It could happen...

Larger-than-life legend announces candidacy 29 years to the day since his infamous Hand of God goal against England.

Top 5 worst throw-ins
This was not one of the worst throw-ins ever

In honour of Phil Jones's horror chuck against Slovenia.

The best Jack Grealish lying down jokes as holiday snap surfaces
CONKED OUT? Grealish (Image: Twitter/Briony King)

Social media wags let fly as picture emerges of Villa starlet apparently passed out in Tenerife.

The best Phil Jones jokes after terrible throw-in leads to goal
A shocking throw-in sparked a spate of Phil Jones jokes

Also manages to injure himself standing on Jack Wilshere.

Sol Campbell politics tweets and the best replies
Sol Campbell, author of the Sol Campbell politics tweets

A revealing insight into, er, the revealing insight the prospective Mayor of London candidate has to offer.

Talking Everton with DMA’S

Front man Tommy O'Dell discusses his beloved Blues.

Talking Liverpool with Catfish & The Bottlemen
Benji from Catfish & the Bottlemen discusses his beloved LIverpool

Bassist Benji Blakeway discusses his beloved Reds.

Talking Spurs and Fulham with Palace

Leo and Rupert from the band discuss their respective loves of Spurs and Fulham.

Talking Spurs with We Are the Ocean
We Are the Ocean

Bassist Jack Spence discusses his beloved Tottenham Hotspur.

12 photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend
One of many photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend

Ronaldo reportedly invited the Italian model and actress to watch him play.

VINE: Colombia’s Pablo Armero loves the women on the big screen
These are the women on the big screen that Colombia's Pablo Armero reacted to

Forget Radamel Falcao, see Pablo Armero's favourite part of Colombia's 3-1 friendly win over Kuwait.

Fifteen fantastic Vanessa Huppenkothen photos
This one almost made it into the top 15 Vanessa Huppenkothen photos, so many more could have as Cristiano Ronaldo alleged new girlfriend is stunning

Meet the Mexican as rumours circulate that she could be Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend.

Top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos
Lionel Messi with his wife, nice picture but not one of the chosen top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos

Lionel Messi's wife wowed at the FIFA Ballon d'Or 2014 ceremony in Zurich.

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