Football Burp is the home of Mystic Megson - football gossip, jokes, lists, stories and news, with added fantasy football tips

The best jokes as Arsenal draw Bayern Munich in CL yet again

Arsène Wenger grimaces as Arsenal draw Bayern Munich again

Gunners set to face perennial bogey side in Champions League group.

The best Mario Balotelli jokes as striker returns to AC Milan on loan

The Mario Balotelli jokes were flying as he agreed to return to AC Milan on loan

Maverick Italian returns from whence he came. Er, for the season.

VIDEO: Celtic’s Leigh Griffiths knees opponent in the nads
Leigh Griffiths knees opponent in the balls

Hoops forward strikes stomach-churning blow to Malmö defender's goolies.

The best jokes as Petr Čech saves Arsenal against Liverpool
Petr Čech saves the day for Arsenal against Liverpool, spawning these jokes

£10m goalkeeper makes acrobatic leap to tip words back into critics' mouths.

The best jokes in response to Jermain Defoe’s PA advert
Jermain Defoe advertises for new PA, Twitter cracks wise

Sunderland striker's demands include watering plants, stocking his fridge and creating a global brand - yes, seriously.

News

“Oh just **** off already you ****ing ****,” Wenger tells Neville

Arsène Wenger labelled this man "a ****"

Frenchman "mightily ****ed off" by Sky pundit's analysis of Francis Coquelin's performance against Liverpool.

Wayne Rooney hat-trick plunges Twitter into crisis

Treble sparks widespread race to be first to photoshop Man Utd star's face onto body of some attitudinal dancer or other.

Wayne Rooney hat-trick celebration
The best Wayne Rooney jokes as drought continues
This man is the butt of these Wayne Rooney jokes

Man Utd striker fires another angst-ridden blank in the 0-0 draw with Newcastle.

VIDEO: Charlie Austin has “no ligaments in his right dick”
Charlie Austin points to his right dick

Sky Sports News presenter's slip of the tongue.

The best jokes as Chelsea steal Pedro from Man Utd
Chelsea steal Pedro from Man Utd, thus creating jokes

Twitter cracks wise as Mourinho phone call puts paid to Red Devils hopes.

The best jokes as Saints confirm Man Utd Mané interest
Man Utd Mané interest sparks spate of Twitter wisecracking

Red Devils switch attentions to Senegal winger after missing out on Pedro, leaving thousands unimpressed worldwide.

More Chelsea doctor jokes as Carneiro karma bites
Eva Carneiro is a key protagonist of these Chelsea doctor jokes

Replacement physio subjected to chants of "you're getting sacked in the morning" from home fans.

The best Chelsea jokes after Man City drubbing
This crushed bus represents one of the best Chelsea jokes to follow their 0-3 defeat to Man City

0-3 defeat to title rivals provokes outbreak of gleeful mickey-taking.

The best Thomas Müller to Man Utd jokes as move is mooted
Thomas Müller to Man Utd? He's listening...

Twitter cracks wise in response to dubious Sunday Express report.

VIDEO: Lukaku hugs a fan he accidentally hits with football
Romelu Lukaku hugs fan

Leaps into stand to apologise personally to Southampton supporter.

The best José Mourinho jokes after Eva Carneiro row
Eva Carneiro plays a prominent role in these Mourinho jokes

Doctor ran onto pitch to treat un-injured Hazard, temporarily reducing Chelsea to 9 men against Swansea.

Goals conceded on purpose: a recent history
Paul Dickov instructed his players to concede a goal on purpose

In honour of Doncaster manager Paul DIckov instructing his players to let Bury equalise.

West Ham fan gets tattoo of Arsenal score on his backside
West Ham fan tattoo of Arsenal scoreline

Follows through on tweeted promise to go inky-arsed if his beloved Hammers won at Emirates.

The best Arsenal jokes after opening day defeat to West Ham
Arsene Wenger is not amused by these Arsenal jokes

Gunners start yet another season inauspiciously as Hammers run out 2-0 winners at the Emirates.

The best jokes as Romanian side Astra knock West Ham out of the Europa League
Manager Slaven Bilić won't be laughing at the jokes as West Ham are knocked out of the Europa League by Astra

Romanian side Astra Giurgiu send West Ham out of the Europa League in the third qualifying round.

The best Falcao jokes after striker’s comical Chelsea debut
Radamel Falcao (foreground) is the star of the best Falcao jokes

Twitter cracks wise as Colombian stinks out Wembley.

The best #FreeJordanRhodes memes & jokes as Blackburn striker asks to talk to Boro
Boro fans want to #FreeJordanRhodes from Blackburn Rovers

Boro fans mount a campaign to #FreeJordanRhodes as the Blackburn striker asks to talk to the club.

The best jokes as West Ham suffer European scare against Birkirkara
Maltese side Birkirkara gave West Ham a scare in the Europa League before the English side won on penalties... and there were many jokes

After a penalty shoot-out, West Ham finally beat Maltese minnows Birkirkara.

The best Fabian Delph jokes after Manchester City move
Predictably, the were Fabian Delph jokes as the Aston Villa captain signed for Man City

Signs five-year deal with Man City less than a week after saying he was staying at Villa Park.

Talking West Ham with Storms
Storms

Front man George Runciman discusses his beloved Hammers.

Talking Everton with DMA’S
DMA'S

Front man Tommy O'Dell discusses his beloved Blues.

Talking Liverpool with Catfish & The Bottlemen
Benji from Catfish & the Bottlemen discusses his beloved LIverpool

Bassist Benji Blakeway discusses his beloved Reds.

Talking Spurs and Fulham with Palace
Palace

Leo and Rupert from the band discuss their respective loves of Spurs and Fulham.

12 photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend
One of many photos of Alessia Tedeschi, Cristiano Ronaldo’s rumoured new girlfriend

Ronaldo reportedly invited the Italian model and actress to watch him play.

VINE: Colombia’s Pablo Armero loves the women on the big screen
These are the women on the big screen that Colombia's Pablo Armero reacted to

Forget Radamel Falcao, see Pablo Armero's favourite part of Colombia's 3-1 friendly win over Kuwait.

Fifteen fantastic Vanessa Huppenkothen photos
This one almost made it into the top 15 Vanessa Huppenkothen photos, so many more could have as Cristiano Ronaldo alleged new girlfriend is stunning

Meet the Mexican as rumours circulate that she could be Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend.

Top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos
Lionel Messi with his wife, nice picture but not one of the chosen top 10 Antonella Roccuzzo photos

Lionel Messi's wife wowed at the FIFA Ballon d'Or 2014 ceremony in Zurich.

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