Lampard goal v Chelsea to be used as depression treatment
- By Football Burp
It’s the Frank Lampard goal v Chelsea that had us all in stitches, and it looks set to be made available on prescription for depression sufferers.
PLUS! MORE LAMPARD LAUGHS: The best Frank Lampard jokes after Manchester City goal against Chelsea
While the late equaliser for Manchester City went uncelebrated by its protagonist, millions of viewers the world over laughed so hard that they almost choked on their roast dinners.
Or whatever it is that people the world over eat on Sundays around tea time. Our tea time of course, not theirs.
Anyway, it would appear to be the case that the Lampard goal v Chelsea carries with it antidepressant qualities, particularly for supporters of Manchester United, Liverpool, Everton and Tottenham.
Despite horrible defeats this weekend for each of the aforementioned teams, their fans showed signs of cheerful good humour when shown footage of Lampard’s strike.
In almost 100 per cent of cases, pupils dilated even more so than those of the average early-90s ecstasy user.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Darren, a Tottenham Hotspur fan from Wood Green, hailed the Lampard goal v Chelsea as “even more powerful as an antidepressant than Alan Brazil’s suggestion of taking the dog for a walk”.
He said: “After a hard day’s worth of watching my beloved Spurs dip 0-1 at home to West Brom, I started casting aspersions on my own existence.
“Am I where I want to be right now? Am I who I want to be with? Where is all this heading?
“What if everyone I think is my friend secretly hates me? What if I never get to see Frank Lampard score against Chelsea while looking singularly displeased about it?
“Since yesterday, I have been overcome by a strange serenity. All is one, one is all, Lampard scores against Chelsea.
“I’ve just cancelled all my CBT sessions so I can spend more time watching videos of it.”
Alan, a Liverpool fan from Devon, remained philosophical.
He said: “I know we lost at home to Aston Villa, like, but Lampard scoring against Chelsea is really f***in’ funny, la.
“Dead therapeutic in a Patch Adams sort of way.”