Your team might sign Kieron Dyer or some Belgian kid, reports confirm

The lesser-spotted Kieron Dyer appearing for West Ham (Img: Egghead06)
The lesser-spotted Kieron Dyer appearing for West Ham (Img: Egghead06 at en.wikipedia)
Your club might sign Kieron Dyer now that he has been relieved of his Queens Park Rangers duties, reports have apparently confirmed as news.

The team, whichever one it is that you support, had scouts present as the former England international bagged a last-gasp equaliser against West Bromwich Albion in Saturday’s FA Cup tie at Loftus Road, the combination of his goal and ninety-minute run-out activating a hitherto undisclosed ‘gardening leave’ clause in his contract, similar to the one that Owen Hargreaves had at Manchester City.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, QPR manager Harry Redknapp expressed great confidence that Dyer will find another club as long as he stays away from water, direct sunlight, open flames, football pitches, other people, staircases, garlic and open spaces.

He said: “Everyone at this football club was thrilled for Kieron that he was finally free to leave having contributed something of value, and I’m sure he’ll find a good club with few staircases and hot taps that aren’t too hot for him.

“It’s a good thing I got here in time, as it happens – Mark Hughes and Tony Fernandes were exploring options with regards building a Frankenstein out of Kieron, Hargreaves, Michael Owen and any Aston Villa player over the age of 25.”

He added: “We couldn’t find a clause in Bosingwa’s contract so we just drove him into the woods and left him there.”

In other news, your team is set to hand a trial to some Belgian kid, while that team you hate are planning to swoop for a French striker you think you’ve heard of but you haven’t, ditto your mate who claims he’s “overrated”.