Yakubu real age to be put to public vote

Age-old conundrum to be settled once and for all.

Yakubu real age conundrum centres around this chap
AGE TBC: Yakubu

Is he 32? 37? 43? That’s right, it’s the Yakubu real age conundrum that’s had all of the world’s top specialists shrugging helplessly, and it’s going to a public vote.

The Nigerian, hench, has joined Championship club Reading on a free transfer amidst a flurry of reports indicating his age to be a sprightly 32, fuelling speculation that either he’s a) a wizard who’s discovered how to reverse the ageing process, or b) lying.

Yakubu was a prolific goal-scorer in spells at Portsmouth, Middlesbrough, Everton, Leicester City and Blackburn Rovers, rivalling the likes of Tom Finney, Nat Lofthouse and ‘Wor’ Jackie Milburn as one of the top strikers of his era.

With no one seemingly able to offer any incontrovertible proof as to Yakubu’s real age, Reading have announced that the matter shall be put to a public vote.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, newly installed Royals boss Steve Clarke explained that voters would get to choose from an array of ages including such luminaries as 35, 82 and 48.

He said: “Er, that’s right, anything from 30 onwards, so in theory you could vote for him to be even younger than he’s purporting to be.

“Personally I’ll be voting for 39 but we’ve all agreed to abide by whatever the public decides.

“It’s time we all settled on a universally agreed upon Yakubu real age, so we’ll all be glad to put this one to bed once and for all.”