Slaven Bilić has vowed to consign West Ham fair play well and truly to the history books, it has been confirmed.
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The Croatian – probably not the one who put a swastika on the pitch and got his country deducted a point in Euro 2016 qualifying, although let’s shoehorn in that topical reference anyway – was speaking after his Hammer side squeaked past some Maltese mob or other in a European qualifier of their own.
It has since coming to light that, in doing so, they had an average of seven and a half players sent off in each leg of the two-legged Zooropa League tie.
Recipients of a red card included Paolo Di Canio and no less than three members of England’s 1966 World Cup winning team, arousing suspicion that even more foul play was afoot than had initially been feared.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Bilić levered West Ham fair play resoundingly down into Room 101.
He roared: “Our deployment of these former stars was unfair on multiple levels.
“Partly on them, because most of them are so old now, and partly on us, because they’re well past their respective bests.
“But it’s mostly unfair on Birkirkara because they’ll now have to live with the ignominy of bowing out to a slightly under-strength West Ham.
“At least there’s no Europe next year.”
Bilić declined to specify exactly what he meant by that last comment.