Arsenal stars Danny Welbeck and Jack Wilshere have announced that they are currently working together on a new type of injury that will “revolutionise” the art of being sidelined.
The England duo, fragile, took time out from intensive treatment to outline their vision of an affliction that would, according to the accompanying press release, “combine all the very best elements of hairline fractures, hamstring strains, ligament damage and soft tissue injuries”.
They chorused: “When you’ve spent as much time out of action as we have, you do start to wonder how far you can push the envelope without feeling something crack or twinge.
“We don’t want to reveal too much about our new-style injury just yet, but in terms of ambition and production values we like to think of it as the injury equivalent of ‘Downtown’ by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
“It’s even got a child-friendly Theo Walcott guest rap that lasts for 8 to 12 months. It’s gonna blow people’s minds.”