It’s the Holland World Cup squad that’s had everyone in suspense, and the belated realisation of its deficiencies brought about by news of Rafael van der Vaart’s injury has, Burp understands, amused.

The squad, Dutch, would appear to most on these shores to be in a spot of bother if they’re still having to rely on a player who last turned out for Tottenham Hotspur – and correct us if we’re off the mark on this one – several decades ago.

1981 FA Cup final, wasn’t it? Didn’t he set up Ricky Villa’s goal? No?

Oh well, let’s just dredge up the names of Dirk Kuyt, Ron Vlaar, Leroy Fer, Jonathan de Guzman, Patrick van Aanholt and Quincy Promes.

We’ve got no idea who that last guy is but a) he has an ace name, and b) a cursory google reveals him to have scored a hat-trick against Scotland U21 last night.

Oh, and he’s a target for Manchester United. Of course he is – he’s Dutch.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Quincy Promes demanded to know if we intended to make fun of his name and, if so, on what grounds.

He roared: “What’sh funny about Quinshy Promesh?

“Oh, I shee, you’re writing my quotesh in a comedy Dutch ackshent. Real mature, guysh.

“Well I’m in the Holland World Cup shquad and you’re not, sho shuck my ballsh.”

Quincy Promes of the Holland World Cup squad, everyone.