He’s the Mauricio Pochettino translator who captivated a nation with regular appearances on Match of the Day last season, and Burp has just received word that he’s slapped in a transfer request.
The Southampton manager aid, dapperly clad, is eager to follow his Argentine master to Tottenham Hotspur as he believes he can “clean up” as an in-house interpreter for Spurs’ cosmopolitan squad.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Pochettino translator revealed his disappointment not to have been part of the deal in the first place, but acknowledged the age-old trait of people forgetting about those who helped them on their way up to the top.
He said: “It’s true, I myself walked out on my devoted wife of twelve years and shacked up with a 21-year-old lingerie model around midway through my first Match of the Day appearance.
“I’m surprised it wasn’t picked up by 2 Good 2 Bad, to be honest.”
He continued: “Anyway, did you know that Erik Lamela and Nacer Chadli didn’t understand a single word uttered by one to the other for the entirety of last season?
“Isn’t that just insane? I daresay that neither the Portuguese-croaking Andre Villas-Boas or the gibberish-spouting Tim Sherwood helped matters all that much.
“I miss Mauricio. Even though he won’t answer my calls. Or my texts. Or my Facebook pokes. Or my What’s Apps. No matter which language I conduct them all in.
“He’s probably just really busy at the moment. He’ll be in touch, I know it.
“In the meantime, Morgan Schneiderlin understands Rickie Lambert just fine. My work here is done.”
Pochettino himself was unavailable for comment as he was busy taking lessons in how to pronounce ‘Tottenham’ from Ossie Ardiles.