Football fans around the country have reacted to the news that Wigan Athletic forward Hugo Rodallega will miss the next few months of the season by declaring with some authority to a colleague that they’d “have him for £8 million”.

Referring to a transfer to their favoured football team rather than any kind of paid sexual activity, neutrals have also been heard to utter sentences such as “that’s a shame, he’s a good player, him” and “Wigan are royally f***ed now” in what is already being described as the largest outbreak of feigned insight since Morten Gamst Pedersen last scored.

The Colombian was withdrawn during the Latics’ 3-1 defeat at Everton with a suspected knee ligament rupture and, while at least one Toffees supporter was heard to assert (inaccurately) that “he kept dem op with dat goal at Stoke last season, like”, the away fans were left consoling themselves with the fact that even Jordi Gomez couldn’t possibly be as anonymous playing out wide…could he?

Meanwhile, Argentine centre-forward Franco di Santo has played down his run of goal-scoring form, choosing to deflect the praise onto his manager Roberto Martinez.

The praise is reported to have hit at least three defenders along the way.