Thousands surprised at missing England match, think about it then aren’t surprised anymore

Colin Murray
This is what Colin Murray looks like when he’s not on TV (Img: admiralty)
Thousands around the country were this morning reacting with surprise to one of their colleagues discussing England’s 5-0 win over Moldova on Friday night.

The thousands, of varying ages and locations, then thought about if for a few seconds and remembered that they couldn’t give a freshly baked toss about the England football team, thus explaining their complete and utter obliviousness to Tom Cleverley’s “promising performance according to Steven Gerrard”.

Taking a rare break from pressurising referees without them realising it, England’s Frank Lampard put England 2-0 ahead with two goals at the same time, before a massively deflected Leighton Baines free-kick amused everyone so much that referee Paul van Boekel awarded three goals for it.

Dave said: “My first thought was ‘hello, how could I miss it?’ That’s when I remembered: **** England.

“I don’t know any of the England players, I don’t care about any of the England players – actively hate some of them, in fact – and it may only have been a week but I miss club football so much that I’ve been searching for images of Colin Murray on Google.

“If someone walked in right now and saw me looking at images of Colin Murray on Google then I’d better have a damn good explanation for it. But I don’t.

“Why the hell were they playing on a Friday night, anyway?”