Raheem Sterling has withdrawn from the England squad after crashing to a three-year low against the euro, with Andros Townsend deputising.

Despite impressive recent performances, the Manchester City star plummeted in value compared to the much-maligned eurozone currency.

It was on the other hand a good day for the cheap pun, which rose to a fifteen-year high against actual substance.

Much of Sterling’s diminished worth has been attributed to the lingering uncertainty surrounding the triggering of Article 50 into Brexit.

In any case, his absence offers a window of opportunity for Crystal Palace winger Townsend, who had stinging words for new England manager Gareth Southgate.

He told Football Burp: “Representing my country is something I’m really proud of. I’ll play in any position I’m asked.

“It’s such a shame then that Gareth had to devalue the whole thing by picking Glen Johnson.

“I can’t tell you how hard it is to still credit your achievements when they occur within very close proximity of Glen Johnson.

“It just feels like Gareth’s taking the piss, and for me that cheapens it all.

“Which would explain why my sense of self-worth dropped to a six-year low against the questionable managerial decision.”