Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp has unveiled exciting new plans to turn the famous north London club into an executive Ebbsfleet United.
Speaking just after his Spurs side’s potentially catastrophic 2-1 defeat to Norwich City at White Hart Lane yesterday, Redknapp revealed in so many words that he had deployed a 4-4-2 formation in order to prove a point to those who’d been clamoring for it, hinting that whichever hitherto presumed joker posts under the name Harry Redknapp on your Tottenham message board of choice is actually him.
While Ebbsfleet’s eye-catching experiment with fan interaction at management level was largely a failure, Redknapp intends to take the experience one step further by totally jettisoning his own opinions and beliefs, cultivated as they have been by almost twenty years of top flight management, so as to indulge whatever preposterous suggestions you and your idiot friends can muster.
Redknapp said: “If we screw up this top four malarkey then I’d rather be held accountable for a lack of sanity than a lack of ability, so for our remaining games I shall effectively offer myself up as an unquestioning puppet to the unwashed and critically unqualified majority.
“Our FA Cup semi-final against Chelsea on Sunday is already shaping up to be a cracker – we’re awaiting clearance from the FA to put Aaron Lennon on Jermain Defoe’s shoulders and stick ’em both in goal wrapped in a long overcoat, while I’m delighted to announce that Rafael van der Vaart’s missus has agreed to shed an item of clothing each time one of her trademark cross-field balls fails to find a white shirt.
“If by some miracle we actually get to the final then some bloke called Richard from Potter’s Bar has suggested a ‘naughty nuns’ fancy dress theme. The missus has knitted up an adorable little ensemble for Rosie just in case she gets a game.”
He added: “Or should Rosie start the semi? Vote now!“