There was widespread shock as West Ham United last night won a football match, moving them off the bottom of the Premier League.

Slaven Bilić’s Hammers triumphed 2-0 against Huddersfield Town, leaving many to wonder if everything they thought they knew about football still applied.

The win was made even more remarkable by the fact that it came at West Ham’s own London Stadium, where they traditionally lose (it is a recent tradition, but a tradition nonetheless).

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one of the Dildo Brothers – the panto lion looking one – admitted that no one at the club knows what happens next.

He said: “No one at the club knows what happens next.

“Does football all stop now? Do we play another match? Do we move onto the next sport? Rugby, cricket, rounders? A spot of tea, perhaps?

“These are unprecedented times and you could feel the excitement in the stadium last night, it was virtually vibrating.

“Thinking on, it might well have been literally vibrating. We’d just taken in a large shipment that afternoon.”