Sack Pardew Van sold, to be “re-pimped” as Gus Bus

Mackems keen to capitalise on van's apparent powers of rejuvenation.

Sack Pardew Van used to be about this guy
HUMBLE: Pardew (Image: parka81)

Newcastle United supporters have sold the Sack Pardew Van to Sunderland fans hopeful of capitalising on its apparent powers of rejuvenation.

The van, restorative, has been identified by Mackems as the key to improved results and is now set for a controversial “re-pimping” as a sort of reimagined Gus Bus.

Coming less from a “put on your disco pants and get on board the Gus Bus, we’re having a party!” perspective and more from a “no, you see, this bus is for Gus” vantage point, the new Gus Bus is expected to be in place for Sunday’s home game against Everton.

It is hoped that the vehicle will spur the Black Cats on to the sort of form that’s seen the Magpies win consecutive matches against Leicester, Tottenham, Manchester City and Liverpool.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Sack Pardew Van’s Sunderland-supporting new owner explained that its presence outside the Stadium of Light will “almost certainly” make Sebastian Larsson play like Maradona.

He said: “Well, we’ve tried everything else – all sorts of managers have fallen here – so why not give this a go?

“It’s surely got to stand more of a chance of firing Sunderland up the table than fielding Jozy Altidore does, because you might as well field my aunt Fanny.

“At least that would be the case if she hadn’t ruptured her Achilles tendon strings taking the Sunday roast out the oven.”