Royal baby hands in transfer request

Disillusioned with life at Kensington Palace, wants to join Chelsea

Royal baby
Kensington Palace was rocked by the news (Image: Arnoprepa)

The royal baby has handed in a transfer request after becoming increasingly disillusioned with life at Kensington Palace, it has been confirmed.

The baby, royal, stunned his parents William and Kate by quite literally throwing his dummy out of the pram and demanding a move to Chelsea.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the newborn revealed that it had nothing to do with money and that it has always been his dream to play under Jose Mourinho.

He said: “It is true, I have always dreamed of playing for Mourinho.

“I’ve only had one dream so far and that was about playing for Mourinho – well, in my dream he was a mechanical buzzard with a lisp, and he was wearing a tutu, but I knew it was definitely Mourinho.

“Dreams are weird. Are they always like that?”

He continued: “Anyway, within an hour of arriving at Kensington Palace it had become quite clear to me that my future lies elsewhere.

“Sure I’m first choice now but what happens when the next baby comes along? And the baby after that?

“I don’t want to be hanging around the same old palace, hidden away from the glare of the media, waiting for one of the other babies to get injured so I can return to the limelight.

“Not when I could be playing sweet tiki-taka footer with Oscar and Hazard. Who’d be daft enough to hang around doing naff all when they could be doing that?

“I wasn’t born yesterday.”

He added: “I mean, obviously I was born yesterday, but you know.”