Roy Hodgson Ballon d’Or picks praised by satirists

England boss's uniformly defensive selections hailed as "shining example of self-parody in increasingly fraught times".

Javier Mascherano, one of the Roy Hodgson Ballon d'Or picks
PICKED: Mascherano (Image: james moore)

They’re the Roy Hodgson Ballon d’Or picks that had us all chortling along and rolling our eyes in an “oh Roy, what are you like?” sort of way – but it transpires they’re a masterpiece of defiance.

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The England manager, strigiform, had initially been the subject of widespread mirth when news broke of his uniformly defensive nominations for the award – namely Javier Mascherano, Manuel Neuer and Philipp Lahm.

However, Hodgson’s true-to-form selections were this morning being hailed by leading satirists as a shining example of self-parody in these increasingly fraught times.

They chorused: “What these Roy Hodgson Ballon d’Or picks have displayed, in an ever-so-timely manner of course, is an ability to laugh at oneself.

“We urge everyone to follow Roy’s lead and immediately depict themselves in a playfully derogatory fashion, ideally in cartoon form, which we’re led to believe Roy is working on.

“He’s just given us a glimpse of his old-fashioned ‘Steamboat Willie’ animation style and we can assure you all that it is exactly, hilariously, what you would expect from him.

“All we need now is for Wayne Rooney to perform a song and dance number that involves him whipping off his hair transplant and twirling it around like a hat, and world peace would be pretty much a formality.”

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