Police have advised the general public to “remain outdoors at all costs” while the current international break runs its course.
Attention spans worldwide have been devastated by a succession of dreadful World Cup qualifiers, the most notable of which – France v Luxembourg – was goalless.
This has led to panic among the couch potato community, who are now urged to leave their homes and keep themselves occupied in any way they can until Saturday’s lunchtime kick-off between Man City and Liverpool.
A police spokesperson said: “We’re all victims of this international break, but there are ways to minimise the damage incurred.
“Go outside. Do some gardening or some exercise. Anything that takes you away from the TV and your mind off the current drought of even remotely entertaining togger.
“We can all get through this together. However, for the next 72 hours or so, we need your cooperation.”
Dele Alli giving the finger to Kyle Walker was pretty good though, wasn’t it?