Bayern Munich captain Philipp Lahm will retire at the end of this season to spend some time with the realisation that he’s still somehow only 33 years old.

The revelation has come as a huge shock to Lahm, who had been labouring uder the misapprehension he was “at least about 40”.

He will bring his hugely decorated playing career to an end in May in order to process the news that he is still basically a spring chicken – or, as the Germans say, Frühlingshuhn.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Lahm ran through a few ideas.

He said: “I could take some time out and then start a whole new playing career from scratch, go through the youth system and everything.

“Or I could train to become a Sausage Master. Did you know that’s a thing in Germany?

“Well it’s not, I fooled you. Ha ha! Hey, maybe I could become a comedian.”

It just kind of went on like that.