Pardew contract wins comedy award

Comedians everywhere take 0-4 defeat as cue to reward Newcastle for all the years of great laughs.

St James's Park, comedy sidekick to the Alan Pardew contract
St James’s Park… As opposed to the grammatically incorrect St James’ Park (Image: Jeff Pearson)

It was the eight-year Alan Pardew contract that brought a nation to a standstill – and now it’s waltzed away with one of British comedy’s top honours, albeit an inaugural one.

The mirth surrounding Pardew’s eight-year deal has not so much endured as redoubled following Wednesday night’s hilarious 0-4 defeat at home to Tottenham Hotspur, a result that follows hot on the heels of a 0-3 reversal at home to Sunderland.

With a Yohan Cabaye sale and a Joe Kinnear resignation also under their belt, Newcastle United are once again proving to be everyone’s second favourite team – just not in the way that Sky Sports kept insisting they were during Kevin Keegan’s first spell as manager.

Exploding with laughter at the merest mention of the eight-year Alan Pardew contract, comedians everywhere took Spurs’ emphatic victory as a cue to reward Newcastle for all the great laughs they’ve given us over the years.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, John Cleese explained that Newcastle’s current predicament was merely the culmination of years of sterling work.

He chirruped: “Kinnear as manager. Kinnear as director of football. Souness as manager.

“Keegan as manager again. Sacking Allardyce midway through his first season. Going down under Shearer.

“The stadium name change. The Wonga thing. Pardew being there at all. It’s gold, all gold.

“Best value team in the country, by miles.”

Joe Kinnear was unavailable for comment as he had his mobile switched off.

SEE ALSO: #101ThingsAlanPardewDoes