Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is bloody Pelé all of a sudden, it has emerged.
The Arsenal midfielder, emergent, led Bayern Munich a merry dance in last night’s valiant Champions League exit at the Allianz Arena – for the first half anyway, at least bits of it.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Terence, an Arsenal fan from Islington, admitted that Oxlade-Chamberlain’s sudden elevation into bloody-Pelé-dom poses some serious questions as to which player’s name to get on the back of next season’s shirt.
He said: “I suppose I’d have to do a lot of upper body work.
“You know, beef up around the shoulders so I can fit all the letters in.
“So, if Oxlade-Chamberlain continues to be bloody Pelé all of a sudden, then not only will I have to shell out for a gym membership – I’ll also have to save up on the side in case Arsenal decide to charge by the letter.
“This reminds me of that time earlier in the season when Aaron Ramsey was bloody Pelé all of a sudden, or that brief period around the turn of the year when Theo Walcott was bloody Pelé all of a sudden.
“I’m sure Jack Wilshere was also bloody Pelé all of a sudden for a few games or so.
“All of which points to one thing – Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is due another injury.
“Yes he’s fit right now, but I’ll be amazed if he’s even able to sit upright in bed by the time the World Cup rolls around.”
In other news, Łukasz Fabiański is Gordon sodding Banks all of a sudden.