Sunderland boss Martin O’Neill has moved to prepare the Black Cats for his sudden departure in a couple of seasons’ time by bidding £12m for Wolverhampton Wanderers centre-forward Steven Fletcher.

The Northern Irishman, intense, is concerned about the dearth of eye-wateringly expensive mediocrity in the Wearsiders’ squad, one or two of whom might do quite well within the confines of his distinct system only to linger around draining the club’s resources for years afterwards along with those signings that never even made it into the team.

With the news that Fletcher has handed in a transfer request, O’Neill will hope that the Scotland international’s move to the Stadium of Light is now a formality.

I mean, of course O’Neill will be hoping that – why would he bid £12m for someone if he didn’t want them to sign? It’s such a redundant turn of phrase that Football Burp will now retire to the self-flagellation chamber for an hour’s penance.

Unlike O’Neill, we shall learn from our own lesson.

Aston Villa said: “UH-OOOOHHHH!”

Meanwhile, it is being reported that footballers now understand what double negatives are…