Newly appointed Real Sociedad manager David Moyes has unveiled his first signings for the club – an industrial strength sunscreen dispenser and a set of Rosetta Stone language tapes.
The sunscreen, SPF 30+ and fragrance-free, has arrived on a loan deal with a view to a permanent transfer, while the fee for the language tapes is reported to be in the region of 15 euros plus Phil Neville.
Moyes both rocked and sent shock waves through the world of football when he accepted the position at the struggling San Sebastián club, who are exactly like Everton in every single way according to journalists grasping for an angle.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Moyes explained his thinking behind the shock transfer swoops.
He said: “I think the industrial strength suntan lotion dispenser speaks for itself.
“There’s no doubt in my mind [that] it’ll play a crucial role this season, especially if Everton accept my derisory 450 quid offer for Tony Hibbert.
“As for the Rosetta Stone ‘Learn Spanish’ cassettes, they’ve been in our thoughts ever since José Mourinho rejected the chance to become my interpreter at least an hour ago.
“I’d like to welcome the Rosetta Stone tapes to Real Sociedad, and I look forward to seeing if they have anything to do with the granodiorite stele inscribed with a decree issued at Memphis in 196 BC on behalf of King Ptolemy V.
“Oh and I’m totally allowed to include Phil Neville in the deal since he is legally my butler. I’m not quite sure how that came about now, but there you have it.