They’re the David Moyes Galatasaray talks that are sweeping the nation, and they appear to have been misinterpreted by all concerned.
The former Everton and Manchester United manager, rested, was left with an even redder complexion than usual when it emerged that the Turkish giants sought merely to ask if he had Graeme Souness’s mobile number.
Glaswegians and Turks are historically incompatible conversationalists on account of their wild accents and combustible temperaments, and it does indeed appear to be the case that much has been lost in translation between the Moyes and Galatasaray camps.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Galatasaray president Unal Aysal explained that the Turkish for “do you mind giving Graeme a quick Skype for us?” sounds a lot like “four million pounds a year and a signed Harry Kewell jersey”.
He said: “The Moyes Galatasaray talks reported in your country are incorrect.
“We wanted Joachim Löw or Jürgen Klinsmann as our new manager to replace Roberto Mancini, but alas Turkey are rubbish at football these days so we didn’t realise there was a World Cup on.
“So we thought, who else is rubbish? Scotland. We loved Graeme when he was here – such a mellifluously Edinburgh way of speaking, it really is soothing.
“David Moyes was in Istanbul on a scouting mission – he needed a new rug, to sweep last season under – so we invited him over for a chat over some köfte and raki.
“Couldn’t understand a bloody word he was saying, to be honest with you.”