Mike Riley phone bill “could bankrupt FA by Christmas”

FA considering sale of Manchester United to Bundesliga to offset loss.

The Mike Riley phone calls might have been conducted on something like this
These are the sole contents of Mike Riley’s office (Image: Billy Brown)

Apologetic Mike Riley phone calls are driving the Football Association to insolvency, a source has revealed.

Riley, head of the Professional Game Match Officials Board (PGMOB), had previously telephoned West Bromwich Albion manager Steve Clarke to apologise for Andre Marriner being such a creep.

This personal touch enraged Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho, Riley acting to defuse the situation by ringing the Portuguese up to ask him about his favourite colour schemes with a view to placing a penitent Interflora order.

After a weekend of Premier League action that saw Sunderland’s Wes Brown and Crystal Palace’s Yannick Bolasie sent off apparently for nothing, and Wayne Rooney and Kevin Mirallas not sent off for varying degrees of something, the life of Riley looks set to be a busy one.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, an FA insider suggested that Riley has set a precedent with potentially dire consequences for English football as we know it.

He said: “Steve Clarke got a remorseful Mike Riley phone call, Jose Mourinho was sent a card and a quite lavish bouquet of flowers.

“Where does it end? We’ve got Gus Poyet, Tony Pulis, Malky Mackay and Brendan Rodgers dropping hints about luxury spa weekends, brand new Bosch dishwashers, bespoke portraits and all sorts.

“Even aside from contrite gifting, the projected phone bill is staggering – if referees continue to err at the same rate, we’ll be bankrupt by Christmas.

“I never thought it would come to this, but it looks like we might have to sell Manchester United to the Bundesliga.”

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