Many football fans not all that keen on actual football

Spain bored their way to Euro 2012 success with a mind-numbing 4-0 win over Italy
This man was so bored by all the beautiful football that he bottled himself (Img: Sweetness46)
Thousands of football fans in the UK remain totally unmoved by actual, proper footer, with roughly half bearing an active hostility towards it, according to Burp sources.

As Spain splonked Italy 4-0 to win yet another major tournament, many British people were shaking their heads disapprovingly and bemoaning the lack of desperate goalmouth scrambles and twenty-two-man brawls.

Blaine Fleming, a sales assistant from Wandsworth, said: “Xavi, Iniesta and Alonso knocking it about in triangles, wearing the opposition down with intelligent movement and an innate ability to keep hold of the ball?

“Nah, not having it. I love football and all, especially the drinking and the shouting, but watching Spain reinvent the way the game is played has been a constant disappointment to me.

“It’s just too hard to follow what’s going on after five or six cans of Stella. Give me two workmanlike sides going hell for leather at each other in an end-to-end game strewn with basic defensive errors and at least one bloodied nose – now that’s something I can get excited about through my haze of warm lager and misplaced Viking blood lust.


Stephen Flummox, a publican from Stockwell, said: “If Spain were a game of FIFA, I’d switch off the Playstation and watch something with vampires in it.

“I like vampires.”


Meanwhile, Stuart Pearce has called up Blaine Fleming and Stephen Flummox to his England squad for the Olympics.